Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New Year's Resolutions

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. Actually, it's more like I don't believe in SAYING I believe in New Year's Resolutions . . . and it's usually right before I make one.

In reality, this time of year I tend to become extremely reflective. I think about the past year and everything that's happened, good and bad. I mean . . . I KNOW there were some bad things. But it seems like when it gets to the end of the year, I can only remember the good. A new son-in-law, a new grandson, a new college destination, a trip to Galveston, even the girls' new apartment I lamented about last February turned out to be a wonderful adventure. We had a good year. But this is where I shift effortlessly from reflecting to envisioning.

I have so many hopes for the new year! Of course, I'm a dreamer by nature. I can imagine so many amazing things happening to Jenelle while she's away at school. I can picture the joy and laughter in Rachel and Aaron's home as the kids begin to grow and continue to develop those little personalities. And I know this year's vacation will not disappoint! (See past blogs attesting to how much our family LOVES vacation!) Although we won't be able to go far (college expenses compounded with wedding expenses) we will go where we can and we'll love it. And I'm dreaming even now about what fun we'll have on the journey as well as the destination.

Of course, there are things I want to change. Areas I hope Leonard and I can grow in. But I don't think those are my New Year's Resolutions. This year, my resolution is simply to live life more slowly.



Enjoy the moment.




Breathe in contentment and slowly exhale a deep appreciation for life as it is today. Right here and right now. Don't miss a moment. And don't ever be ungrateful.



Life has its ups and downs. But what a life we've been given. As I look back at the relationships we've gained through the years, I realize that we are the people we are today because of the impact our friends and family have had on us. We are so incredibly blessed by the relationships we've been given.

And this next year -- the year 2009 --

This is the year we bask in it.

Friday, December 19, 2008

And me without a Plan B

After reading Serenity's post from yesterday, I was absolutely inspired. I determined in my heart that we would go directly home and take family pictures for Christmas! I had been kind of dragging my feet about it since our immediate family (those living under our roof at this time) consisted of Leonard, me, and the boys. Not the cute little expressive boys you can see in Serenity's pictures, but ....yes.... our dogs.

Now, since I've been staying at Rachel's the past week to help with the baby, we can suffice it to say the boys were EXTREMELY excited to see us when we got home. I immediately called my mom to come over and take pictures, beings how they were in such a good mood and all. Then came the pose. We could get them to sit nicely, but as soon as we would sit down by them they immediately would roll to their backs for a belly rub:


So we thought the best bet would be to keep them on their feet... but Kairo, being the big boy he is, can reach a long, long ways to get what he felt was some much needed attention.

Treats! Treats may work. If only mom had the camera on the other side of the room and could hold the treats at the same time.

Can you see the hopeful look on my face as if I believe we can somehow hold them down and convince them to turn their faces toward the camera for a beautiful candid shot?

And if you can believe it, Mom actually said of the following picture, "This one really isn't too bad!" Really, Mom? Aside from the fact that you can't even see Leonard's face, Kairo is hogging the whole shot, Jack just wants his belly rubbed, and I look like if we try even one more picture I may just burst into tears or have some sort of serious breakdown?


So, all that to say, there won't be any cute little pictures with our boys . . . but we still offer the very warmest of Holiday Wishes to all of you! Have a BLESSED CHRISTMAS and NEW YEAR! From Leonard, Tracy, and the boys!


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Shack


I just finished reading the book The Shack by William P. Young.

There are so few books I've read that have had this kind of impact on me that I just had to blog about it.

I was warned by a lot of people before I started reading this that there were a lot of things that may challenge my theology or that I may just flat-out disagree with. However, I found that the challenges were relatively few and I was actually quite intrigued/excited by many of the ideas Young presented.

Here is the description of the book as found on Christianbook.com:

"Mack" Philips took his three children on a family camping trip while his wife visited her sister. Just as they were about to leave the campsite, the two older kids decided to take a last canoe ride before heading home. As their canoe overturned, and Mack went to help them, his back was turned and the unspeakable happened. Mack's youngest daughter, Missy, was abducted by a known child predator. After a massive search, evidence of Missy showed up at an abandoned cabin. Although they never found her body, everyone knew the worst had happened. For the next four years "a great sadness" fell over Mack and his family, until a note from God showed up in his mailbox. What happens next will move you to a greater understanding of God's unfailing love for us all.

Now, without giving too much away, Mack did go back to the Shack and had the encounter of his life with The Father (Papa), Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I absolutely love the way they were portrayed... so genuine, so loving, so completely UN-religious. I can see where these portrayals might be hard for some to get past at first (God was actually a woman) but for me, a fan of Joan of Arcadia, it was easy to imagine God in all forms.

The really amazing thing for me was that, although it doesn't supply you with a lot of answers, by the time you close the back cover you are left with the feeling that everything is okay. No matter how good, how bad, how disappointing and even tragic things can become... God is aware and He cares deeply. What I am left with is a deepened sense that I just want to live my life near God. I want to be more aware than I have been in the past that He is paying close attention to all that goes on, and that He will be sure everything is used for His purposes regardless of how impossible it may seem. This book brought something to life deep inside of my heart that is hard to even put in words. Somehow, it introduced me to the God I always hoped was real... the God of infinite patience (not just tolerance), the God who loves in a deeply personal way (not just a blanket love that covers all humanity), the God who laughs and jokes (no condescending looks of "Don't you have something more important to think about?"), and most importantly, the God who makes sense of a world that makes no sense.

If you haven't had the chance to pick this up yet, I highly recommend it. No matter where you're at in your walk with God, I think when you finish reading this everything will seem just a little more real.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Prosperity

Last Wednesday night in Small Group, we discussed prosperity. It seems, in America anyway, when hearing the word prosperity most people's minds go directly to money and possessions. Even if you know better, often a mind can involuntarily go there before you rein it in and focus on the things you know truly make you prosperous.

Now let me just say I'm all for having money. I see no need to take a vow of poverty (although at some points in life it would appear I fully supported it.) Financial struggles are trying to say the least. I've never felt the need to have more than enough, but enough is really nice. That being said, I also know God has used some of the most trying times of my life to teach me and build me in the areas I needed it the most. While I don't prefer it, I can see the benefit that has come in not always having things be easy.

I really enjoyed the things I heard on Wednesday night, and thought I would share a couple of high points. One came from a young mother who is pregnant with her second child. Their family is going through the biggest financial struggle of their lives, but as you listened to her talk you found that she considers it instead to be the most precious time of her life. She and her husband both spoke of learning about faith in God, and the value of relationships both with him and within their family. Although they are as poor (monetarily) as they have ever been, they have never felt richer. And the truth of the matter is, they ARE rich. It all sounds so cliche, but if you could have the joy of hearing them speak, you would know they truly KNOW where their treasure is. They considered themselves to be prosperous, and they were visibly grateful.

Another man spoke of the struggles he has been through and his realization that he needed to stop everything else and really focus in on his relationship with God. He had forgotten that God would take care of all the details of life if he first focused on Him. He had such a desire to throw himself back into that relationship. And although there were times in his life where he really believed prosperity was achieving status and money, he was at a place where he realized his prosperity... the only prosperity he wanted... would come in his relationship with God.

Prosperity is so much bigger than money and stuff. I'm not saying we will ever quit wanting stuff. And I'm not even saying it's wrong to want stuff. I'm just saying perspective is everything. Want the stuff. Buy the stuff. But be aware it will never make you prosperous. True prosperity comes in your relationship with God, your relationships with family and friends, and the love in your heart that enables you to give the best of yourself freely to others.

My prayer this Christmas season is for all of us to experience a prosperity that surpasses anything we've even come close to approaching in the past.

And then to pass it on.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

It's a Boy!

You may remember many months ago when I mentioned my daughter was pregnant with our first grandson! (Searching for names...sound familiar?) Well, we went into the hospital at 4:30 a.m. on Sunday, December 7th and he was born at 11:33 a.m. 6 lbs, 8 oz and 19 1/2 inches long! The Name?

EZEKIEL MARTIN RAMIREZ.... as you can see, Ellie found the whole thing to be utterly exhausting!


We have a proud mommy....


and a proud daddy.....


and I can tell you all the rest of us are right in there with them! What a wonderful blessing for this Christmas season!
After the first day, we took Ellie home for a nap. Then, when it was time to go back to the hospital, I asked her, "Shall we go see Baby Ezekiel?" She proceeded to lay down in my arms and reply, "Baby Ellie." We were a little concerned at that point just how excited she was going to be to take this little boy home, but since then she has helped the nurse bathe him, she has fed him, and she has sung him the lullaby I wrote for her when she was born.
I think we're all in agreement now... he's definitely a keeper!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

It's Been Awhile


I know it's been awhile since my last post. Trust me, it's not because I haven't had anything to say. It's just that words have seemed so insufficient.

My oldest daughter is going away to college in January. And I do mean away. She's leaving for Minnesota. Now, since we're in Nebraska, that may not seem so far to most of you. But to me it may as well be the other side of the world. Keep in mind I cried (sobbed) when my daughters moved to north Lincoln. Don't get me wrong. I am SO, SO happy Jenelle is going to Northwestern College in Minnesota. It's a very REAL Christian college. Not the kind where everyone walks around acting super-spiritual and trying to impress everyone, but the kind where you have very real kids trying to make sense of everyday life intertwined with their Christianity. I'm so glad she has this opportunity.

I'm just going to miss her so much.

Then there's my younger daughter. Two weeks from giving us our second grandchild. What a blessing. And yet I can't resolve it within myself. She's just a baby herself, isn't she? How did she grow up so fast? Could she possibly be a mother of two already? She takes such good care of her husband and her daughter. And in two weeks she will have a son. It's overwhelming. Delightful, but overwhelming.

All I can say is I love the different stages of life. And I love the fact that God sees us through each one of them. They are so wonderful, yet so heartbreaking. How could I ever celebrate the joys triumphantly or recover from the pain so completely without Him?

Life is so unpredictable. So wonderful. So painful. So amazing. And I'm so glad I have a loving Father to walk with me through every stage.

Monday, November 3, 2008

The Princess and the Bumble Bee
























Have you ever seen such beautiful granddaughters??? (Says every grandmother in the world!)
There's got to be a great children's story that could be written about a beautiful princess befriending this stunning bumble-bee. Certainly there would be no comparable adventure as they live through some incredible life-lesson together that, of course, has a moral at the end that you want to embroider on a pillow.
Leonard's son, Brad (who I proudly call my own son, too!) and his wife, Jess, dressed Keaton in the cutest little bumble-bee outfit I have ever seen! She and Ellie ended the night together at our house playing with playdough and Ellie quite literally bouncing off the walls from too much sugar. (Can you see Uncle Brad giving her one more lick of the little pacifier-pop????!!!)
This is one of my favorite times of the year... right up there with vacation time! I love the Fall Festival, followed by Halloween and getting to see the sparkle in all the children's eyes as they come dressed as their dream character! Next is the greatest meal of the year and Leonard's favorite holiday...Thanksgiving! And then we get to enter full-blown Christmas mode!
All these holidays, all the family time... it sure makes winter a whole lot easier to take!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Fall Festival










I LOVE the Fall Festival. I love doing the fundraisers to raise money for it, I love cleaning up Jerry's ranch, I even love the shopping! (And ordinarily I am NOT a shopper.) I love going out and working hard to prepare everything before all the people get there. And most of all, I love the part when, after the sun is setting and the people are all there, we start the bonfire and the hayrack rides.

It's such a great atmosphere. Everyone talking and laughing, knowing in the back of their minds they're on the brink of facing another long winter. It's like the last hurrah. No one cares that the pumpkin patch is really just a bunch of store-bought pumpkins lying on the ground. No one is aware of how carefully we chose the decorations for the Alley of Terror ... the path that creeps through the trees by the pond... trying to be sure everyone would get their share of a frightful atmosphere without crossing the line into the demonic guck. (Not the easiest mission!) And definitely no one knows how much Jerry, Leonard, and I wig out at the last minute, totally convinced that we'll never pull it all together on time.

But we do. And it's always wonderful. It's a great time spent with friends out in the beautiful crisp air of the Fall season. The fire crackles, the kids run, the tractor labors in the distance pulling the hayrack around one more time. But the best sound of all? The sound of friendship. The sound of laughter. The sound of all the pressures of life being put on hold, if only for an evening, while we take time to enjoy life and enjoy each other. Friendship is such a powerful thing that we sometimes forget to fully appreciate.
But never on Fall Festival night.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Things I Know

I know God loves me . . .

But I don't always know I'm not a disappointment.



I know God will always take care of me . . .

But I don't think He will always keep me safe from harm.



I know God is in control.

But I know people make decisions that greatly affect their lives.

And I know sometimes bad stuff just happens.



It seems like everything I believe has a polar opposite that I believe just as strongly. Some of it is my own wrong thinking combined with my insecurities, but some of the other things can be backed pretty well with scripture.

Is it strange that I believe all of this and still feel a sense of closeness and calm toward God? I guess I don't think so, because what it boils down to is it doesn't really matter how safe we are, whether we suffer from our decisions, or even if God decides to teach us a hard lesson. What matters is He is right there with us. He never leaves us. He never gives up on us. He'll see us through every difficult moment.

You would think I just suffered some terrible disaster in my life, judging by where my thoughts are today. Oddly enough, everything is going amazingly well. In fact TWICE yesterday, God did far more for our family than we even dreamed possible. We are so, SO grateful for His wonderful gifts, but it seems my mind quickly goes to all the people I know who are suffering immensely right now. I know . . . I absolutely KNOW God loves them deeply. We've been through our hard times. We've had our turns. And it's pretty doubtful we'll get through the rest of our lives without having a few more turns. It's an imperfect, sinful world and we shouldn't be surprised that bad stuff happens.

But when I see the good things displayed right next to the excruciatingly painful things . . . when I know my friends are suffering and there's really nothing we can do but care . . . it makes me think about all the many facets of God. I hate when people say "I'm blessed" because something good is happening. We who live in relationship with God are blessed no matter what. Jesus did what He did for all of us . . . and nothing this (sometimes stinking) world throws at us can ever change that.

So sometimes this world just sucks. But knowing God is right there with us . . . Knowing He is going through every moment of every trial right next to us, holding us up whenever needed . . . Knowing His love for us is deeper than we could possibly imagine . . . Knowing in the end He will have the final word. Those are the things that give me great peace. They get me through my own trials and the pain of watching others suffer. I have felt the power of His love as it broke through seemingly impossible situations. I know what it is to be lifted up after feeling you've sunk so low you can never stand again. His love is a powerful thing. Whether we are celebrating victories or trying to find our way through the darkest of days, we are blessed. Because He will never, ever leave us.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Sweetness of Life

At a time when everyone's focus seems to be on all that is wrong with the world, I find myself enjoying my simple little life with my simple little family all the more. We haven't lost a lot of money in the stock markets, because we never had that much to lose. We haven't lost our expensive home because we have quite an inexpensive home (built in the 1920's, if you want to know what old really is!) But that inexpensive home holds treasure that is much more valuable than anything on Wall Street. It holds our memories.

Yesterday Rachel came over with Ellie to hang out for a little while before they had to pick up Aaron from work. We live on a dead-end street across from a park, and for some reason Ellie thinks every time she comes over I'm going to take her to the park. (Probably because every time she comes over, I take her to the park). Yesterday there wasn't time... they had to leave to get Aaron. But Ellie decided to make a run for it! She started running across the park toward the playground as fast as her little legs would take her. I started running after her, and I couldn't help but laugh because she looked soooo funny with her little butt swinging back and forth and her legs kicking out to the sides! Once I caught her, I scooped her up and she giggled all the harder!

That sound of her giggling makes me smile even today. In the midst of the financial crisis, the housing crisis, and every other problem in the world today, a little child was giggling. And when I weigh one against the other, all I can think is, "Life is Good."

Friday, October 3, 2008

Busy Busy Busy

I never used to feel like I was too busy, and back in the day I was busy almost ALL THE TIME. It just didn't matter. I had lots of energy and I thrived on challenge. Not to mention, most of the time I was doing things I loved. (I guess we're really all busy ALL the time, it's just a matter of what we're busy doing.)

These days, it seems I get tired. Maybe it has to do with getting older, but I'm not totally convinced of that. Most of us who are 40-ish and 50-ish have plenty of energy for the things we WANT to do. It just seems like we lean more toward the recreational-type stuff. Maybe we feel like we've paid our dues and it's time to enjoy life. I know for certain that although I enjoyed raising my girls, there was a big sigh of relief once they became grown and I knew their life-choices were no longer my responsibility. It's kind of like going back to when Leonard and I first met. "It's just you and me, baby!" We can do whatever we want, whenever we want.

All of this would be well and good . . . except I really don't want to live life for myself. That's not what I want my life to be about. I really do want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to inspire people to search for God. I want to be a blessing to people.

If only I could get past this secondary desire to just coast through the rest of my life.

We've been talking about joy in our Small Group. Because of that, I noticed something in a song that I normally wouldn't have noticed. "The joy of the Lord is my strength". I can't begin to tell you how many times I've heard that through the years, but for the very first time it really impacted me. His joy gives us strength.

People down Red Bull by the case to keep their energy level up (personally I've never touched the stuff... my thinking is "what goes up must come down"!!!) But God has given us the real thing. His joy gives us strength. If I ever get to author my own Message Bible it will say, "It's like the Red Bull that never goes dry". Can you imagine feeling fully-charged and ready to face any challenge? Can you imagine being full of excitement over the magnitude of possibilities? It may seem like focusing on the task at hand would help us get psyched up, but once again the Bible gives us an answer that doesn't necessarily make sense in the world's thinking.

Focus on Him. Abide in Him. Let His love permeate your soul. Be filled with His joy. And suddenly everything else looks a whole lot brighter...... and most definitely a lot more fun.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Everything will be okay

I remember when I was a little girl, there were many times my insecurities would get the best of me. Of course, being so young, I really didn't know they were insecurities. All I knew was I'd get this horrible, almost "homesick" kind of feeling and I just needed to be near my Grandma. It could happen when I was with my friends, or even when I was sitting in my own house with Grandma in the next room. Suddenly I'd feel alone and afraid and I had to go find my Grandma.

It was amazing how Grandma could fix everything. Often times I'd just climb up into the brown recliner with her and sit quietly beside her. She didn't have to say or do anything. She just had to be near, and I knew everything would be okay.

Grandma was my first glimpse of God. She died quite a long time ago, but just the thought of her still warms my heart. It was her love that first caused my heart to come to life. It was her love that challenged me to search for more... to believe there were better things than what I had seen. It was her love that opened my eyes to the fact that security existed.

Today there are many issues that come and go in my life. It's one obstacle after another intertwined with one joy after another. I have grown enough that I am usually pretty confident that one way or another things will always work out. But every now and then I catch myself becoming anxious and even a little afraid. And as the old insecurities threaten to surface once again, I know exactly where to go. It's right where my Grandma's love pointed me from the beginning. I sit quietly near God.

And as I sit near Him . . . even if nothing is being said or done . . . I just know everything will be okay.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Coming home

Leonard and I were in St. Paul, Minnesota for the past 5 days on a business trip. I use the term "business trip" loosely, because there was also a lot of fun! We love to get away together, but coming home is always so nice. One of the reasons it's so nice is we get to come home to this:





Ellie is always so very happy to see us! And she brightens whatever room she happens to be in. Last night we went over to their apartment when Rachel was putting Ellie to bed. "Unfortunately" I was too loud when we entered and Ellie heard me. She popped right out of bed and came out to see Grandma. Then I had to rock her, read her books, and play with her blocks as she screeched with delight! It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.

I love coming home.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Another Marker Moment!




I am just completing my first full week as a mother-in-law . . . Life just keeps on getting better! On Saturday, Rachel and Aaron got married! I HAVE A SON-IN-LAW! We couldn't be happier with our new son-in-law if we had hand-picked him ourselves. He is just a good man . . . the kind that will be a devoted husband and loving father. And need I even make mention of the fact that he's made quite a catch himself with Rachel?! Of course, Ellie is delighted, too! As you can see, she even enjoyed some celebratory Kix cereal during pictures!
We had just a small family ceremony on Saturday, but we are planning a large ceremony this next year so we can celebrate with all our family and friends. Rachel, Jenelle, and I are going to be plenty busy with wedding plans. Leonard and Aaron? I'm guessing they'll want as little involvement in the planning as possible!

But for now, our sights are set on the birth of Ellie's little brother in December. What a wonderful family he'll be entering into. My prayer is that their home will be filled to overflowing with the fruits of the spirit... I pray for love, for joy, for peace and patience; I pray that kindness and goodness would abound, that there would be faithfulness and gentleness in all they do; and I pray that all of these things, as they're joined with the infinitely valuable gift of self-control, will bring them more freedom and happiness in their lives than they ever imagined possible.
Just one more thing . . . although it didn't specifically make the list of the fruits of the spirit, one of my greatest desires for them is that their home would be filled with as much laughter as ours was.

I finally get it. Nothing ever really ends. It just keeps getting passed on and on and on. What a joy to see it happen.

Monday, August 25, 2008

A Constant State of Wiggage

Have you ever heard the term "wigging out"? For some reason Leonard uses that term a lot around me. And, unfortunately, he's justified in doing so.

Today I happened to be sitting with some of my family members and Dan (our pastor) in a waiting room that was a heartbeat away from a very important meeting. This meeting was to be the beginning point for some major changes in our lives. And there I sat, flip-flopping back and forth between total trust in God and a total state of wiggage. When I say total, I do mean total. I was completely one, then completely the other. No middle ground here. And such is my life.

When I mentioned to the others in the room how I kept going back and forth between faith in God and panicking that nothing was going to work out right, Dan did his best to encourage me that everyone struggles with that. In fact I think what he said was I'm no different than anyone else.

And that's when I had to confess that maybe I'm a little more different than he thinks. And not in a good way. You see, I'm in a constant state of wiggage. Not necessarily that I'm actively wigging at all times, but it's always right there... ready to surface whenever the great unknown tips the scale a little too much. Sure, I can tell you all about how peaceful your life is when you put your faith in God. And really... truly... my faith IS in God. But I have to fight in a really big way to keep it there. It seems to be a part of my DNA to fear everything falling apart. Losing everything. Being left alone and afraid. I think the first couple of decades of my life were spent feeling alone and afraid. And although everything has completely changed since then... that was the beginning, so it seems like that is who I really am. Have you ever felt that way? Like you fought really hard to get away from who you really are, and if you let your guard down... even for a second... you'll find yourself right back there? Probably not. That's why I think I'm not really like everyone else.

God changed everything for me. He is truly my knight in shining armor. He makes me feel secure, loved, valuable... the list goes on and on. And when I set my mind on Him, I feel His peace. I know that no matter what happens, good or bad, He is with us and everything will be okay. He has always been faithful. He's always been kind and loving. He's always come through, even when it looked impossible.

So I guess that's the key to it all. When the unknown throws me into total wiggage and those old feelings of being alone and afraid start to surface, I remind myself there really is no unknown. He knows. And all I need to think about is what I do know about Him.

Monday, August 18, 2008

A Big-Girl Bed



Part of getting ready for a new baby brother means getting your very first toddler bed!

My sister found this bed at a garage sale for $20. It's missing one shutter on the front, but Ellie doesn't even mind. She just opens and closes the shutter that's there, as if you can't see anything on the other side as long as that shutter is closed!

Ellie has been sleeping with her mom more than she has been sleeping in her crib, but now that she has her own bed she has very willingly slept in her own room! (I think it's been harder on her mom than her!) AND, as a bonus, she's discovered the bed doubles as a very good trampoline.

Right after we finished putting it together, she grabbed a book and laid on her bed to look at it. As we watched her, we all had the same thought . . . where did our baby go?

And what an amazing and beautiful little girl lies here instead.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's a Boy!!!

WHAT?? IT'S A BOY????
We finally got the news! This morning Rachel had her ultrasound and, according to the people in the waiting room, you could hear all five of us crammed into the little room CHEERING when they told us it was a boy! Of course, we would have cheered just as loudly if it was a girl! It was just the suspense that was killing us!

So I'm going to have a grandson! You have no idea what an ordeal it was for Rachel to decide on Ellie's name 2 years ago. So now we're faced with figuring out a name she'll like for a boy. This is where I need everyone's help... if you have any great ideas for boys names, by all means let me know! I'll tell you up front, she doesn't like names that are too common (John, James, Bill, etc. are all out). And yet it can't be anything too strange (we won't be having any Moon Unit or Dweezil Zappa children)

So far we have a few names that are in the running . . . Vincent, Eli, Levi, Gideon, Lucas and Logan. If you've got any ideas, the game is on! We only have until the 1st week of December to figure out a suitable name... and ALL suggestions will be submitted to Rachel and Aaron for review!

I'm SOOOOOOOOOO excited to be a grandma again!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Baby Steps vs. Effortless Victories

Is it an indication of your level of faith? The fact that sometimes you can move forward only by the sheer will of trusting God for the very next step, and other times you can soar effortlessly right through the center of every challenge that presents itself? Is it your faith? Is it your frame of mind? Are those two things so closely intertwined that one can't be defined without taking the other into account?


I read in one of my sales magazines something that rang true to me not only in relation to sales, but for life in general:


"When in top form, we can do no wrong, and every sale closed, every meeting attended and every project completed is like finding the sweet spot on a golf ball: The connection is effortless. But if self-doubt creeps in, all of a sudden every connection feels strained and any risk feels too great." (Nichole Stella, PPAI)


She goes on to list some questions you should ask yourself to help you reconnect with your confidence and self-worth, and says sometimes what it takes to find belief in your skills and purpose is to remember the details of you.

There seem to be times that we can soar through life with that assurance, ready to tackle any obstacle, to face any challenge, to achieve any goal. But other times . . . it just seems hard to believe we can make a difference. We're unmotivated or afraid to even try. All we can see is our limitations, our shortcomings. And suddenly, any risk feels too great.

It's an age-old problem. Remember the story of Joshua, Caleb and the other spies? When they went to spy out the Promised Land, they all saw the same exact thing, and yet they saw it so differently. Joshua and Caleb saw it as an opportunity for God to do great things. They believed in His power. They believed that whatever He said He would do, He would do. The other spies? They wanted to run. In fact, they wanted to run all the way back to captivity. They wanted to forget about the Promised Land and go back to Egypt to live as slaves!! Can you imagine? They thought that whatever happened there could wind up being WORSE than living as slaves in Egypt. At least in Egypt they knew what to expect. It was familiar. This was new and uncertain. And the risk seemed to great.

Now, don't get all smug on me, thinking, "Those fools! Why would they do such a thing?" Because we all know we have the same problem more often than we'd like to admit. Even though we aren't necessarily happy with the way things are, we'd rather stay with what's familiar than risk something new. Instead of the promises of God, all we can see are the giants.

In John 11:40, it says If you believe, you will see the glory of God. Can you feel that twinge of excitement in your heart when you read that verse? We all want that! We want to see the glory of God in our lives! We want to have faith like Caleb and say, "Bring on those giants! Let's just see how they stand up against the glory of God!!"

And I go back to the statement Nichole made in her article... sometimes what it takes to find belief in your skills and purpose is to remember the details of you. I think as a Christian, as someone who was so lost and confused until God took my empty life and filled it with all that He is, that statement is off a little bit. I think our greatest help is to remember the details of Him. Remember how much He loves you. Remember the promises He's made. Remember all the ways He has been right beside you through all the good and the bad. Remember that what He says takes precedence over any appearances.

I think every day we are faced with opportunities to choose between the Promised Land and Egypt. To choose whether we wander around in the wilderness or defeat the giants. Every time we are faced with a challenge or an obstacle, we have choices. And I think we need to pay close attention to what we've chosen. We need to go back and ask ourselves the hard question: Did I take the land, or did I run back to captivity? Did I believe God, or did I run from the giants?

If you don't like answers, just remember.... it's never too late to start believing God! And once you do, those giants don't stand a chance.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Good Things are Happening All Around Us...

I think it's time we give the good things in life their due. I don't know why the bad things seem to get top billing all the time, but I'm dedicating this blog entry to the power of good!

Think about it. We can have 20 great things in a row happen to us, but often all it takes is one bad thing to cause it all to come caving in around us. I'm not sure why the bad things have such power over us... they certainly don't deserve it. Most (I would say ALL) of us would be hard-pressed to find a pen with enough ink to write down all the amazingly good things we have in our lives. And yet something bad happens, and it can throw us right into "a mood".

We generally don't give the good things that kind of power. If we're in that aforementioned "mood" and something really good happens, we often aren't even able to enjoy it. After all, we're in that "mood". It takes something pretty darned amazing to catapult us out of a bad mood to a place where we can dance on top of the world. But it can take just one plan falling apart to throw us into worry or despair. I'm guessing that's why the Bible often encourages us to think about good things, to remember what God has done, etc. If you're not already in the habit of dwelling on those kinds of things, the bad stuff can hit you pretty hard.

So there it is. That's what I want to do. I want to spend a significant amount of time thinking about all the good things in my life. I want my thoughts to dwell there. I want to let the good have the power it deserves.

After all, it's the light that is supposed to dispel the darkness... not the other way around.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Time to move on...

This is one of those days. We've been involved in Vacation Bible School all week long, and although it's fun to see so many kids having such a good time, it's quite a relief when it's over. Maybe better people than me are sad to see it end, but I'm telling you... these long-term projects are the death of me.

Isn't Vacation Bible School only a week you ask? Why, yes, it is . . . but in my world it may as well be a lifetime. You see, I'm the type of person who likes to swoop in, plan an exciting one-night event, and move on to the next project (see all previous blogs about getting into a rut). It's not that I mind helping with this kind of stuff. I think it's good for me. I think we should all be a part of things that aren't easy for us now and then . . . it seems to build character. If nothing else, it helps you die to self a little bit. Do we really want to be the kind of people who only help if it's enjoyable to us? If that were the case, I don't think anyone would EVER get any help on moving day.

But although I think it's good for me to help with projects that are more trying for me, I have to be honest and say I'm always glad when they're over. Partially because, well, it's over. And partially because I feel like I've achieved a little victory in my life. It's easy to take off running with my own vision. It's a real achievement to be able to help run with someone else's.

I'm a strong believer in celebrating victory, so Leonard and I have big plans to celebrate tomorrow night. At the top of the list? I think we'll be heading out to Jerry's.... in the country...

... where it's very, very quiet.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

That Internal Garden of Eden

As you can probably tell, one of the issues I think about a lot is, "What are we really supposed to be giving our lives to?" How are we supposed to be using our time? How do we balance life? How do we make sure we're doing everything we have to do that only seems to have value in this world, and still be sure we're focusing on the things that are eternal? Maybe people only start thinking about this as they get older, but I really would like to be living life with the heart, the attitude, the focus, and even the enthusiasm that God intended. I'd really like to know I've touched every life I can possibly touch in the most positive way I possibly can. I do want to make a lot of money for my company... I want to do a good job, and I pray for God's creativity to do that. But I want my life to be so much more. And it seems to take so much energy just to try to do what I need to do for my company... where is that balance?

Today I was thinking about the beginning. I mean the very beginning. I was thinking about God creating Adam and Eve... before sin, before everything went south on us. What was the original purpose? What was His intent for life? And the only thing I can see is He intended for us to enjoy Him, enjoy each other, and enjoy what He created for us.

Has that original intent changed? You can read an awful lot in the Bible that tells you to be ready to suffer, to count it joy when you suffer, etc. Yet you still can see where it says the most important thing is to love God with all your heart and love each other.

Focus. That seems to be such an integral part of everything. The key to it all. It just keeps coming back to focus. I have seen people in situations where they are suffering and that's all they can see. They aren't really enjoying God, and they aren't enjoying others. They definitely aren't enjoying life. And, really, I often think who can blame them? I surely wouldn't want to be going through what they are going through. And yet others seem so happy in the midst of their suffering. I see what they're going through, but I don't see the same pain. And I find myself wanting to be more like them. They seem to be a whole lot more focused on their relationship with God and with others, and not so much on the suffering.

I remember Paul's words... I count it all joy. To be honest, when I've read that in the past, I've always had the underlying thought that he really meant he could put up with all the bad because he knew eventually (in heaven) things would be better. But what if he truly did feel JOY through it all? Is it possible to enjoy God and others so much that it overpowers all suffering? Is it possible to be so consumed by the joy of those relationships that everything else pales in comparison? Is it possible to do your job, and at the same time be overwhelmed with joy in your relationship with God and others? To the point that your job just becomes part of it???

I think it must be possible. And I think God has placed this intense desire in my heart to find that place.

Here's to the Garden of Eden.... I can feel it beginning to grow on the inside.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Having Goals

I've heard a lot over the years about the importance of clearly stating your long-term goals and the ways you intend to achieve them (short-term goals). That makes sense to me. Except it doesn't.

I am 46 years old, and I still have no idea how to clearly state my long-term goals. All of my goals seem so intangible, maybe a little abstract. Everything I have read about the subject says you won't achieve your goals unless you clearly define them. And that sends me almost into a panic. Oh my gosh... I'm not going to achieve my goals unless I write them down! Quick... get me a piece of paper!

And then I sit there. I sit there staring at a blank piece of paper. Certainly I have goals. Why can't I seem to write anything down? I'm a fairly motivated human being. What are my goals???

But when I think of what I want ten years from now, I realize I still want the same life I have today. I want the same husband, the same daughters . . . maybe a few more grandchildren (but I don't feel that's something that goes on my goal list). I want to know we will be living our lives unselfishly, helping others whenever we see a need. I want to be people who always have encouraging words to offer. I want people to know that if they need help, they can come to us, whether it's to talk or to move a dresser. Certainly I have financial goals... I want to be able to have enough money to pay all our bills and have some leftover so we can continue having amazing family vacations, fixing up all the long-overdue projects on our house, and helping others however we can.

I have a picture of how I want life to be... but as for a list of goals, it bothers me that I don't have one. I feel like with not having one, maybe I'm not as effective of a human being as I should be. Should I be able to map out a plan? Are there things I should be doing on a daily basis to whip this plan into action?

Yesterday morning my oldest daughter sent me an e-mail called "The List" in which she listed all the things she loves about me. She also sent one to her dad. I cried when I read mine. Then I posted it by my computer so I could read it every day. And in writing this blog entry, I looked over and read it again, and I realized... my page isn't blank at all. I'm just lucky enough to have everything I ever wanted.

Mom & Dad--I don't really know why I made these lists...
other than because I just wanted you to know...
I love my mother because she always sees me as good, even when that's the last thing I feel. I love her because she is so selfless and always wants everyone around her to feel loved. I love her because she cried while she watched me sleep when I was sick. I love her because she said she never wants me to feel obligated to do anything; she never wants me to feel stuck. I love her because she's always on my side. I love her because she chose to be a better mom than she could have chosen to be. I love my mother because she let me be angry with her in order to protect me. I love her because she knew that sometimes, in order to love me, she couldn't protect me, and I know that hurt her. I love my mother because she chose to forgive when she could've stayed angry, and how that taught me to forgive, too. I love my mother because there never was and never is anything too big for her to want to give me. And I love her because she loves me enough to do all these things.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

To pray or not to pray

We were talking about prayer last night. I don't know if this surprises anyone, but there are a LOT of Christians who struggle in their attempts to pray on a regular basis.

The big question of the night was, "Why?"

I think if I really, honestly believed that God was going to answer my prayers, I would eagerly hop out of bed each morning to lay my petitions before him. So, deep down, do I not believe prayer is effective? Have I been a Christian for this long, yet I don't even believe in one of the most basic principles?

I guess I should start out by telling you I love my prayer time. I'm sure I don't pray as much as I should (but can you ever say, "Oh, I pray enough"??) And I definitely don't leap out of bed early in the morning, wide-eyed and energized. But I love the time I spend with God. I love the closeness, the intimacy. It's the most sane part of my day.

But what we were talking about last night is the petition side of prayer. Crying out for ourselves and others because of pain, hardship, suffering. The truth is, God doesn't always do what we think He should want to do. And so sometimes it gets hard to continue to pray for things we've been praying and praying and praying for, without seeing any results. Ever felt that way?

The first step was just admitting it. We have no idea why God wouldn't want to heal people from their suffering. We have no idea why He lets some things go on for so long. We think we know His heart, then we wonder if we know Him at all. And we think, "Why pray? He'll do what He's going to do either way."

And that would seem true if it weren't for example after shining example of God coming through in more magnificent ways than we could ever imagine when we prayed. We've seen both.

So what can we say? There was a group of eight of us discussing the topic, and this is what we know we can believe:

1. God is a good God.
2. He loves the people we pray for MORE than we do.
3. His ways are not our ways, His timing is not our timing.
4. We put WAAYYYYYY too much importance on the circumstances of this world. We need to realize the things that are eternal are of much greater importance, and recognize that God could be doing extraordinary things in that realm while circumstances remain unchanged.
5. HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

So overall the consensus was: We can trust Him. We are operating with very little information while He operates with ALL the information. He is a kind and loving God who never wastes anything... not even pain... and we can trust Him. He will never leave us high and dry. He will always be near.

So we will continue to pray. And instead of checking to see if He's done what we've asked Him to do, we will rest in the assurance that we are all in very good hands.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Sometimes you just need to rest...


I could learn a lot from my granddaughter.
Sometimes I feel like I just push too hard. I push too hard at work, I push my daughters too hard, I push Leonard too hard, and certainly along with it I push myself too hard. I think I try too hard to make sure everything is as it should be at all times.
Why don't I know that's impossible?
Ellie understands life quite well for an almost-two-year-old. There are really amazingly fun times, there are difficult times (especially when no one is willing to give her whatever she wants at the moment!), and there are just "times". But no matter which one of those times it happens to be, if it's time to take a rest, she takes a rest. She just lets it all go. She doesn't let the worries of the day keep her awake. She doesn't even let the fun keep her awake! When it's time to rest, that's exactly what she does.
I think it's possible I could learn a lot about rest from her. Maybe not sleep, but just being able to rest... even in the busy-ness of the day. Relaxing is highly under-rated.
Just look at Ellie... she went all the way to Galveston to take a nap.

Monday, July 7, 2008

And then vacation is over.


We just got back from vacation yesterday. Ten glorious days away . . .

. . . and I'm so glad to be home. You see, I LOVE our home. I love the fact that Lincoln, Nebraska is boring and that we don't have lots of tourists. I love our old, creaky house. And I especially love our comfy king-sized bed after sleeping on a pull-out couch for a week. It's just good to be home.

We did, however, have a wonderful time in Galveston. We spent time at the ocean every single day. Most everybody loved the boogie-boarding, but Ellie and I spent the majority of the time playing in the shallow water, collecting sea shells and dumping them out so we could collect them all over again. Quiet days spent playing with my granddaughter while watching Leonard and the kids playing in the water . . . my heart could hardly contain the contentment, the satisfaction, the feeling that life was just too good. I guess I always feel like we are blessed, but at times like these a little video screen goes off in my head and I remember ALL the reasons life is good, all the memories. The times we will treasure for all eternity. Some on vacation, some in our living room. Some happy, some very sad. But everything working together to bring us to the place we are today. All molding and shaping our character, increasing our compassion, developing our view of life.

It hasn't always been an easy journey. In fact, there have been some heart-wrenching times. But I can look back and I can say with all certainty, God was faithful to use it all for our good. He didn't waste a single tear. He helped us learn and grow and become closer to him. There are things I would never want to go through again, but today I am glad those things are a part of us.

Leonard and I walked along the beach with Jenelle as the sun was going down, the waves splashing at our feet as we talked about her future plans.
She isn't sure what the future holds. She's not quite sure what she should do. "I just want to do what God wants me to do."

We are so blessed.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The cares of this world....

Okay, I lied. I am going to post again before vacation... but only because I happen to be thinking about something OTHER than vacation for the time being! Last night there was a very LOUD thunderstorm. Actually, it was probably more like 4 a.m., but if it's dark I think it still qualifies as night. (Anyway, I'm not getting up.)


This particular thunderstorm absolutely lit up the sky, then was followed by the kind of thunder that actually makes you jump out of your peaceful sleep. In fact, it continued so long we never really got back into a peaceful sleep. While I don't particularly like missing out on my sleep-time, it turns out the middle of the night is a great time for thinking. Maybe it's because my mind isn't full of so many of my day-thoughts, but when I'm awakened in the middle of the night, I consider a lot of things I don't have time to consider during my busy day. It seems like God speaks to me at those times, but I'm pretty sure it's more like I finally listen at those times.


Last night as the storms raged around me, I thought about Jesus encouraging us not to be consumed by the cares of this world when he returns. Now, my first thought was if he warned us about this, chances are he had a pretty good idea it could be a problem. And, of course, it is.

I spent a lot of time pondering this last night. Obviously, there are a lot of things I need to care about in this world. But my desire is to be able to care about these things and deal with them without becoming consumed with them. I have found through my life that being consumed by anything or anyone outside of God is just plain unhealthy. Being consumed with Him brings balance . . . joy . . . peace. Being consumed with anything else... it just saps you of your energy.

So I guess I just wanted to share with you my ponderings of a sleepless night. I know there are lots of things trying to pull us lots of directions. There are things that try to sap us of our energy and our emotional health. There are things that beg to consume us.

But do a quick check to be sure the only thing you let consume you is God. If you need an easy test . . . You can tell it's him because the burden is so incredibly light!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Anticipation

Anticipation is half the fun!

We are now closing in on ONE WEEK from our vacation, and we are in full-blown anticipation mode. All of our conversations include, "One week from today we will be . . . " (insert "picking up the van" "packing our clothes" "leaving Lincoln city limits"). You get the idea.

I know I've mentioned it before, but our family just LOVES vacation!! We love every stop at the gas stations where we load up on snacks, we love keeping the dvd screen away from Leonard so he doesn't watch movies while he drives (you're welcome, fellow drivers) and for me... BY FAR... I love the laughter! There is never a shortage of laughter when we are on vacation.

We're going to stay in a condo in Galveston, and the beach will be sooooo relaxing--there's no denying it. But when we're on vacation, no matter where we go, even simple things like trips to the laundromat are memorable! And finding the little grocery store so we can stock our temporary kitchen? Leonard and Rachel love that part! I know it's all in our minds, but as soon as we leave for vacation, everything becomes absolutely magical. It just feels good to be gone. And it feels good to be there with all the people you love the most.

I probably won't be posting much now until after our vacation, because honestly it's all I can think about and I think you'd get tired of hearing about it.

And just so you know... one week from this moment I will be calling the Rental Company to confirm they actually HAVE the van we reserved. Let me tell you from past vacation experiences... it sucks when they don't.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Make It So

I want to change the world today.

That may sound like a tall order, but I've found that it's not necessarily as difficult as we make it out to be. Through my life I've heard many amazing stories from people whose lives were changed by the small but kind acts of others. I think we underestimate the power of kindness.

One time I stopped at a gas station for gas and there were two thug-looking teenage boys ahead of me trying to get the attendant to let them leave to get money for their gas. The attendant wasn't treating them very well, and I felt bad for them. Apparently they had pumped their gas but didn't realize they had no money with them. They wound up calling someone and went to wait in the car for them to bring money. When it was my turn, I asked the attendant how much they owed. It was less than $20, so I told him to just add it on with my gas. Then as I was leaving, I stopped by the boys' car and told them they could go because I paid for their gas. There was a complete transformation that took place right before my eyes--they went from being tough thug-boys to the most appreciative and kind young men you would ever want to see. They offered to pay me back, but I told them it wasn't necessary and to just go and enjoy the rest of their day. They thanked me and thanked me and thanked me again.

I like to daydream about what God may have done in their lives that day. I like to hope they saw the love of Jesus, and that they realized something about how they want to live life. Sometimes all it takes is someone being kind to you when you think no one cares. I've experienced that in my own life. Maybe nothing has happened yet, but maybe someday they'll think back and realize it was a turning point. That's what I like to dream happened.

So today, I'm hoping for another opportunity. I don't know people's situations, but God does. And I'm hoping He brings an opportunity for me to show special kindness to someone who is really needing it. I'm hoping He will use me to shine light on a heart that feels dreary. My desire is to show His love to someone at the precise moment when they need it the most.

Is it weird that instead of hearing God's voice, I hear Captain Picard's from Star Trek: The Next Generation saying, "Make it so."

Thursday, June 12, 2008

In the Storm I Hear His Voice

Last night our small group was meeting at the church at the same time as the Worship Team was having practice. It's our normal Wednesday night ritual. We always make lots of food and the Worship Team comes in and joins us when they're done. There's great fellowship and no one ever leaves hungry.

Last night, while in the middle of our weekly routine, severe weather hit. The tornado sirens were going off and rain was literally pounding the pavement. It came so quickly, a man passing by on a bicycle had to come in to keep from being blown over by the wind. He got to join in on some great food and fellowship, so what started out to be a bad situation turned out pretty good for him!

Storms scare some people, but for some reason they just don't scare me at all. In fact, they inspire me. It's not that I'm unaware of the destruction they can cause, and I don't wish that on anyone. And I always, always want my family to be together when the storms hit. But the storms themselves, they inspire me. When I look at a sky that 15 minutes earlier was clear as can be, then suddenly it's full of dark, ominous clouds and spiking rain and hail down so hard it's bouncing off the pavement, and when I see the wind so strong it's blowing semi's off the interstate and clouds start to swirl into what could be tornadoes that can literally lift houses off their foundations... somehow it reminds me that all the stuff I've spent so much time stressing over throughout the week isn't all that important in the whole big scheme of things.

Sometimes I need a good storm. Sometimes I just need to put things in perspective. It may not be today. It may not be this week. But SOMEDAY the world as we know it isn't going to exist anymore. And when that happens there are things that will continue to matter, and things that just won't.

A good storm helps me think about the difference.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Backing Up a Couple of Steps...

I have posted about the importance of controlling where you let your thoughts dwell, making the point that your thoughts will affect your emotions, which will affect your actions. I still believe this is true, but as with almost everything else, I've decided it may not be as simple as it sounded in the beginning.

There is a key element that I touched on, but failed to securely apply. And in testing my previous theory, I have found that this element I speak of is absolutely crucial. Remember when I mentioned the quote, "It's not what is true that affects your life, it's what you believe." Well, you can think the right thoughts all the day long, but unless you open your heart and let yourself believe them, it could prove to be fruitless. (Nothing more than "positive thinking")

Case in point: Over the weekend my heart was heavy. There were people I was very concerned about and I was hoping and praying that everything would work out for them. I had found that I was letting myself worry excessively, so I decided to change my thinking, to change where I was letting my thoughts dwell.

In and of itself, I think that was an excellent idea. However, I don't know if it's just the case with extremely emotional types or whether it's true of everyone but it turns out I have a special ability. I can think one thing while I believe another. I expressed to God that I trusted Him and that I knew He had everything in his hands. And in my head I knew that was true, but in my heart I was still full of worry that everything would not turn out okay. Subconsciously I was still wondering what I could do, instead of resting in what HE could do.

It got me to wondering. Is my mind more powerful than my emotions or are my emotions more powerful than my mind? Which would win out when they go head-to-head?

I believe the mind is a very powerful thing. I said before that wherever you let it dwell, your emotions will follow. But that's where I think there may be a missing step. Between your mind and your emotions resides the heart and soul of it all ... your belief system. I think the biggest danger in letting your mind dwell where it shouldn't is that subtle moment when you actually start BELIEVING your negative thoughts. And once you start BELIEVING them, everything can take a very ugly turn. At least for emotional types, it can then be a huge struggle to rein your emotions back in. Suddenly you're not only battling the wrong thinking itself, you are battling the emotions which no longer even WANT to think right.

I think this is a deep psychological/spiritual mystery, and I want to unravel it. I have seen too many people trapped in their own emotional turmoil, where the truth just falls off of them, unable to penetrate the walls surrounding their faulty belief system. In fact, I've been there myself in my lifetime, so I have a little bit of understanding of what it feels like. I understand why the Bible warns us to guard/take captive our thoughts, because they have a direct link to our whole belief system. Our belief system can completely throw our emotions into crisis mode, and it then affects our ability to be who we really are.

I do know that over the weekend, something that really helped me was to start reading encouraging passages out of the Bible. I read things in Ephesians and Philippians about God's love and power, and I could just feel the tension begin to ease. I believe the Bible really is the LIVING word. I believe it has passage straight into our belief system and can penetrate the walls like no mere human words can. There is help for us when our belief system takes a wrong turn. It's God... his power... his love. That's what you've got to love about God. There is always, always hope.

I'm going to continue pondering this whole subject, and I may have more to say about it in future posts. I'd love to hear anyone else's insights and revelations. But in the meantime, I encourage you to guard your thoughts. Keep your belief system strong and positive. Trust God. Because although there's always a road back, it's not always an easy one.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Fearing Failure

Have you ever been on a Rip Cord? It's a HUGE swing-type thing where they pull you up really high (over 180 feet), then you "free-fall" down and swing out over all the people. I've always wanted to jump out of an airplane and I figured this was the closest I'd ever get, so I was anxious to try!

The first time I ever did it, I was with my friends Rick and Jodi. All three of us went together and they pulled us higher and higher and higher. All the people below were getting so small, I thought surely we were close to the top so I turned and looked... we were only HALF WAY!!! When we got to the top, they quickly counted backwards... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... PULL! And you're supposed to pull the cord out so you fall! Pull the cord so you FALL... it even sounds wrong to say it. Thank God I was not on the side where you have to pull the cord because if I was, you would not be reading this post. I would still be up there.

It turns out it was the biggest rush of my life! I absolutely loved it. I kept my eyes open all the way down so I could see what it would look like to jump out of a plane. But I just don't think I could have pulled the cord that took us from that place of safety to the place of plummeting toward the earth. There were just too many things that could go wrong. I know it makes absolutely no sense. I wanted to do it. I was EXCITED to do it. It would seem I'd be anxious to pull the cord that would get it all rolling. But being excited about where I wanted to be and taking action to get there were like polar opposites for me.

I've been thinking A LOT lately about taking more control over where I let my thoughts dwell. As you may have read in an earlier post, it started with thinking about young couples and how they need to choose to focus on the positive things they see in their spouses. I then began thinking about choosing to be content with what you have. But as of a couple of nights ago, it's taken a whole new angle.

I was walking the boys (dogs) with Leonard and we began talking about the areas where we let our thoughts dwell on the wrong things. By far, the biggest one for me ... even now at the ripe old age of 46 ... is fear of failure. I mostly see it in my work--I fear the numbers not being high enough, I fear letting down my clients, I fear not being good enough at what I do. And if that's where I let my focus dwell, my emotions very quickly follow. I begin to feel paralyzed... afraid to do or try anything. It really becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you'll fail. You fear even trying, so you don't. You fail.

But suddenly I realized I can change all of that, too, just by changing where I let my thoughts dwell.

I am a child of God. I can't fail. That's a fact. No matter what the circumstances of life bring--all the ups and the downs-- ultimately I just CAN NOT fail. I am in God's hands, and He doesn't fail. Even thinking about it begins to give me a feeling of empowerment! And when I change where my thoughts are dwelling, everything else begins to change with it. Obviously, my emotions begin to change. Instead of fear, I begin to feel a sense of adventure! When failing is out of the picture, there are suddenly all kinds of things I want to try! And if something doesn't go well, it doesn't really matter. I can't fail! In the whole big scheme of things, I just can't fail! Failure is bigger than something going wrong. Some things will work out and some things won't. That's just the nature of life. But I can't and I won't fail. What a freeing concept!

Now, this is not some plug for "positive thinking". But it is a plug for thinking about what is TRUE. I once heard someone say, "It's not what's true that affects your life, it's what you believe." That pretty much hits the nail right on the head. God loves you and cares about every detail of your life. It's the truth. But if you don't really believe it, it's not going to have much impact. You were created uniquely with special gifts and talents that equip you to impact people all around you as no one else can. It's the truth. But you have to believe it.

You're a child of the Most High God, King of the Universe. You have been set free by His love, His sacrifice. You cannot fail, because He cannot fail. You are free to try any adventure on this earth you want to try! Your life is in the hands of the one who does not fail! Failure is not even a possibility.

Can you believe it? Can you really believe it? 5-4-3-2-1.... Pull the cord!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Reason for Living

I read an article this morning that really made me sad.


On a brisk day last fall in Prineville, Ore., Raymond and Deanna Donaca faced the unthinkable: They were losing their home to foreclosure and had days to move out.
For more than two decades, the couple had lived in their three-level house, where the elms outside blazed with yellow shades of fall and their four golden retrievers slept in the yard. The town had always been home, with a lazy river and rolling hills dotted by gnarled juniper trees.
Yet just before lunch on Oct. 23, the Donacas closed all their home's doors except the one to the garage and left their 1981 Cadillac Eldorado running. Toxic fumes filled the home. When sheriff's deputies arrived at about 1 p.m., they found the body of Raymond, 71, on the second floor along with three dead dogs. The body of Deanna, 69, was in an upstairs bedroom, close to another dead retriever.
"It is believed that the Donacas committed suicide after attempts to save their home following a foreclosure notice left them believing they had few options," the Crook County Sheriff's Office said in a report.




"Left them believing they had few options." Those words continue to burn in my heart. Such a tragedy. So many lives being turned upside-down. And my heart just aches.

This housing crisis is taking its toll on many families. The article went on to relate several other heart-wrenching stories about people who had lost their homes. But in the midst of the darkness shines tremendous opportunity . . . opportunity for us who have been so deeply touched by God's love to offer hope to those who desperately need it. What an opportunity to introduce them to the God who loves them and will carry them through all things. They are searching for something, anything to hold on to. And we know. We know what will not only sustain them, but will set them free to be more and experience more than they ever dreamed possible. We hold the information, the power, to transform the moment. No longer will it be a time of few options. No longer will it be lost hope. No longer will it be the time when life as they knew it was ending.

Because on the horizon will be the life they never knew existed. And that life is only just beginning . . .

Monday, May 19, 2008

Count the Cost

There are lots of things all around us that are true. Good things and bad things, positive and negative. While I think it's good to be aware of both (nothing good comes from pretending the bad isn't happening) I think it's extremely important that we know the difference between being "aware of" and "focusing on".

Leonard and I first began talking about this as it relates to young couples. If there is one thing that stands head and shoulders above the rest as something they NEED to know to have a happy marriage, this would be it. There are good things and bad things about you, and there are good things and bad things about your spouse. It's okay to be aware of that. But whichever you choose to focus on will shape your entire married life.

So many times people talk about falling in and out of love as if it's something that just happens. I would like to suggest that it does NOT just happen. In fact, I believe the majority of the time it starts with what you allow yourself to focus on. Maybe you start out noticing just a couple of things that irritate you, but then it snowballs from there. The next thing you know, you're often thinking about the things that irritate you and rarely thinking about the things you love, and you no longer feel "in love" . . . just annoyed.

The mind is a powerful thing, and before you allow it to go this route, I would suggest you count the cost. You may very well be robbing yourself of your happily-ever-after.

There is a logical course of events:

1) You choose what you focus on

2) Your emotions begin to shift to support that focus

3) Your actions soon follow

It's simple. If you focus on the negative, you will begin to feel negatively toward your spouse. If you focus on the positive, you'll feel positively toward them. It's a choice. It may not seem this simple, but it really is... you can choose to have a happy marriage or a miserable one. And a surprising number of people choose to be miserable, just by choosing to dwell on the negative. The positive still exists... they just don't look at it. Suddenly it's not enough to have positive and negative. They will not be happy until ALL the negatives become positive, too. And do I even need to mention that will never happen?

Now, although this is certainly true of marriage, it's also true in every other area of our lives. What we allow ourselves to FOCUS on will affect our emotions which will affect our actions. I saw a plaque at a friend's house last week that said, "Happiness is wanting what you have." I LOVE that! We all have wish lists... things we would get if we could. But it's a matter of focus. If you focus on what you don't have, you'll eventually start feeling bad that you don't have it. But you have a choice! You can acknowledge that you don't have it, even that you would like to have it some day, but then FOCUS on what you do have and live with a grateful heart. I'd be willing to bet you'll feel a whole lot better.

We are not helpless victims of our emotions. We don't have to try to just roll with wherever they take us. And if you feel like your emotions control you, it's time to rise up and take that control back. Your mind is a powerful thing. Choose where you let it dwell. Choose what you focus on.

It's never too late to have a "happily-ever-after".

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise....then the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Her Name is Ruth

God works in amazing ways.

I was flying back from Minneapolis yesterday, and I wound up sitting next to a woman named Ruth from Trinidad. I had a really good time talking with her, but more importantly I found out that there were some areas in her life where she really needed prayer. In the end, I wound up assuring her that Leonard and I would most definitely pray for her every day, and it made me wonder if this was one of those things that Christians like to call "divine appointments".

I guess I do believe in coincidence. But I also believe very strongly that there are times God arranges things to happen in a certain way for a certain purpose. I wondered after meeting Ruth if God designed this meeting because her situation is such that she needed to meet people who really would pray on her behalf. And I wondered how many more people like me He may have put in her path. I wondered at the same time if the things that she shared with me were things that I needed to hear. Things that will help me on my journey.

I really do believe in that stuff.

I know of Christians who believe God wants to control every detail of our lives. I have seriously met people who even pray about what they should wear every morning. Now, I have no doubts as to God's ability to put together an impressive ensemble . . . but if there's a time when He really cares whether I wear a blue shirt or a red shirt He's going to have to really get my attention. Otherwise I'll probably just assume it's not that big of deal.

But this is different. Ruth's first winter in Nebraska was 1997. (Can you say ice storm?) Is there any doubt that anyone who stays in Nebraska after that must definitely have a purpose here? She wants to eventually go back to Trinidad, but she feels there are things she needs to accomplish here in the U.S. first. She did have some health issues, and she also needs prayer that God will guide her path career-wise (it's a critical time). I don't know for sure what it is God wants to do in this woman's life, but if there are any people out there who would be willing to pray for Ruth, I know she would be grateful.

And then you can wonder if it was by God's divine appointment that you chose to read this blog today. :o)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Breaking Out of the Mold

I have this intense desire within me to do things differently.

Maybe it's because I so easily feel trapped in daily routine, but I feel a deep need to do things in a way that will stand out and really make a difference to people. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but if I develop any kind of a routine... even with something that's really meaningful (i.e. praying)... it's not long before it seems to completely lose its impact. I have to constantly change things up to keep them fresh and alive. I'm sure it can be traced back to some tragic lack of discipline or maturity, but it's the way I am and I deal with it the way I know how... changing things up.

It affects every area of my life... work, church, home. I want to have life-impacting experiences. There is nothing more stifling to me than the thought of having to duplicate something someone else has already done. "There's no sense in reinventing the wheel" is probably the quote I detest more than any other in the world. Let's take a look at that wheel! Maybe we have yet to invent the BEST wheel! Or better yet, maybe we need to customize each and every wheel to have the greatest impact for each situation we encounter in life.

I have nothing against doing things the same as someone else if that's how it winds up. But never let it be because I've purposely duplicated them!! If I set about creating something that winds up to be similar to the way someone else has done it, then it just means we agree it's the best way to do it! But if I duplicate them without even trying to use my God-given imagination and creativity, there's a good chance I've completely missed the impact God meant for me to have in the moment.

One of the things I love and admire the most about God is His infinite creativity. For every person, every personality, every situation there is a MULTITUDE of ways to do things. What works amazingly well for one group of people could bomb for another group. Art is not just painting and sculpting and creating music. I believe the greatest artists in the world are the ones who can look at a group of people and know how to deeply touch them, inspire them, motivate them, encourage them. I believe it takes a special eye to be able to see how to bring the best out of people, how to cultivate the giftings that have been planted within them. That's the artist I want to be. I want to be able to inspire people to be all, try all, and hope for all God has for them.

I guess my desire is to tap into God's creativity. In my work, the way I care for my clients... I want to not only find creative ideas for them, but I want to present those ideas in creative ways. I want them to feel they've been treated special. I want their encounters with me to be an EXPERIENCE that leaves them with a feeling of hope and vision.

In church, I want to tap into God's creativity for interacting with our small group, the young couples, the kids in the nursery... even the people we talk to in passing. I want to see what He sees when it comes to the best way to impact their lives. I want to help them all experience something new and exciting, something beyond their daily routines. Something that stands out, and inspires them to use their giftings for great things.

And at home, I want to always be on the lookout for creative ways to make my family feel special and my home feel warm and inviting. I know the things that make Leonard, Jenelle, Rachel, and Ellie feel special are all different because their personalities are so different! But I also know that for as many times as I've done things to show them they're special to me, there are still infinitely more ways I can make them feel even more special in the future.

God, your creativity is so far beyond my comprehension. But this is my heartfelt prayer.... Bring it on.... Let the creative juices flow!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Ugly Truth

I walked to work yesterday, and even walking briskly it was a 45 minute walk so I had some time to think. I was talking to God about the differences between who I am, who I try to be, and who He intends for me to be. I realize I'm a work in progress, but there are certain areas that I really would like to do better in and I get frustrated sometimes that I'm not farther along in those areas.

The biggest frustration I have with myself is my lack of ability to genuinely care about ALL people. I care about lots of people. And I would do anything in my power to help any of them. I consider myself to be a devoted friend, and it's not hard for me to put their needs before my own.

But why can't I be that way with everyone? The fact is, some people annoy me to no end and I just don't like being around them. Some people I find to be irritatingly needy, and some people just seem like too much work.

What an ugly truth to have to face. But yesterday I felt the need to face it so I had a talk with God. Will there ever be a time when I am so completely consumed by Your love that it will spill out to EVERYONE I see and know? Will there ever be a time when SELF doesn't step in and say, "Wait just a minute, I draw the line here." I think there is less SELF in me now than there used to be, but have I died to self? Nope. All too often I get into situations where it lets me know it's still alive and kicking.

Answers? I don't have any. Other than I may have to resign myself to the fact that this is going to be a life-long process. I know there have been people in my past that really annoyed me, only to find later that God gave me a real heart for them and I wound up loving them just as deeply as any of my other friends. I'm grateful for that, but it's not enough. I want to feel that way about everyone.

And so it comes down to this. I pray that God continues to develop the fruits of the Spirit in me. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. I believe if those things are fully developed in me, I will love ALL others without regard to myself. The joy He gives is unspeakable, and the peace is beyond understanding. And just like everything else in God's kingdom, the end result is the opposite of what you'd think. When I love all others without regard to myself, it will bring true peace and joy to my own heart.

Philippians 1:9-11
I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ's return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.