What does it take to shake my faith these days?

I am really fortunate in that I have felt tremendously close to and in-touch with God these past few months. I feel like He has been revealing amazing things to me in the area of fully trusting Him. I feel like He has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. And I feel like I am more aware of His Spirit than ever before. It has been a really awesome time of growth for me and I feel stronger in my faith than ever before.

So what does it take to shake that faith? Not as much as you may think.

I've told the roof story... $17,000+ later, we walked through that trial with our faith intact. And we've had a couple of similar big events (nothing to do with $, but still requiring great faith) that He led us in trusting Him through from start to finish. Amazing stories of His faithfulness that we will never forget. Those experiences will affect our lives forever.

But today? Today I'm dealing with things that really shake my faith. Broken Christmas decorations (why don't we take the time to pack them better??), lost Christmas stockings (that we just bought 3 weeks ago... who loses stuff that fast??), dog poo on the floor (Thanks, Mumford.), a few unkind words spoken to me, and thus a whole attitude of, "I  CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!"

I could feel myself getting more and more upset on the inside as the incidents continued to pile one on top of another, so I retreated to my room to try to stop the madness, maybe gain some perspective. And as I sat here, feeling like my very world was crumbling around me... perspective is exactly what I gained.

I could believe that God was on His throne and fully in control when faced with how we were going to pay for a $17,000 roof, but when I lost our Christmas stockings (total value... $12 plus tax) then suddenly He's fallen off His throne and Satan is running rampant in my life??!! The Christmas decorations can be glued... or even thrown out. It will not change the meaning of what Jesus has done for me. There will be times unkind words are spoken, both to me and unfortunately by me, for as long as I live on this earth. And I will have to work through the relationships in order to make them stronger rather than letting them be destroyed. It's what He's called us to do, and it actually helps us grow every time we work through one of those situations. Pretty sure He's still on His throne for all of that.

As I sat here pondering all of this it made me wonder how all this little stuff can wreak such havoc in my life. Will there be a certain age I hit when I can face one little thing after another all the day long with a smile, knowing that none of it really changes our quality of life? And, more importantly, none of it affects how close we are to God. Is there a certain level of faith I will reach when I will not only be able to trust Him to get our family through a devastating separation in which we are stuck in two different countries, but I will ALSO be able to trust Him to get us through the devastation of broken Christmas ornaments? It was sad for me to even type that question. Sad that I let this little stuff take such a big place in my life.

So, I know it's not time for New Year's Resolutions, but it's the season we celebrate the greatest miracle of all time, so I'm going to take the opportunity to publicly repent and trust God to help me walk a different road going forward. I want to be quick to stop and re-evaluate when I sense I am losing my joy. I want to always be mindful that I walk closely with Him, that He is powerful, loving, and kind, and that He is always paying attention. I want to be confident that I can take every situation to Him and He will listen, and guide me, and help me to grow through it.  Yes, even if we lose our Christmas stockings that are only three weeks old.

What a woman of faith I will be.

What Does God Think About _______?? (fill in the blank)

I have found over the years that a lot of people try to understand the Christian faith by asking Christians where they stand on issues. This baffles me, because although the issues may indeed be an issue, they lean toward the non-issue side for me. Have I lost you yet?

Before you get the idea that I am an anything-goes, there's no such thing as right or wrong sort of person, let me explain. People ask me what I think God thinks about issues ranging from homosexuality to whether women should be allowed to speak in church. And believe me when I tell you there are a plethora of issues in between. I haven't always been as firm as I am now on my belief, but since this is my blog, I would like to use this platform to be very clear on where I stand now.

If you want to know what God thinks about an issue, ask Him.

There are a lot of reasons for this strongly held belief of mine, the most obvious of which is..... I'm not God. I try to follow God with all of my heart. I study His word, and I love when He speaks directly to my heart. But it doesn't mean I know everything. He's got the corner on that market. My opinion is, for lack of a better description, a crap shoot. It may be true. It may be somewhat true, limited by my understanding up to that point. It may be true for me, but not for you. (If you read your Bible you will know this can happen) OR I could just be wrong. That sucks, but unfortunately, after 28 years of walking closely with God, I'm still wrong more than I'd like to admit in this blog. (But if you really want to know, ask my daughters... I think they keep a running tally)

Another important reason that I hold to that belief is that even if I'm right about what God thinks, it won't mean anything to you unless you have taken the time to talk to Him yourself. Why would His opinion even matter to you if you haven't really gotten know Him? How could anything He thinks impact your life if you don't realize how deeply He loves you? The reason I follow after Him, and the reason I care what He thinks, is that my relationship with Him has deeply impacted my life. He has changed everything for me. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

So, some of my more zealous Christian friends may ask, "How are you supposed to be the light of the world if you don't speak up? We are supposed to be the light of the world!"

Well, setting aside the fact that I don't believe condemnation lights up the world, and also setting aside the fact that every Christian has a list of the things the Bible is clear on that still apply today as well as a list of things the Bible is clear on that do not still apply today (and those lists often don't match), I have not said I won't speak up. There are plenty of things I will speak up about.

Do you want to know how deep and how amazing God's love for you is? I may not be able to express it fully, but there's nothing I'd love more than to try! I have stories, lots of wonderful stories, of ways He has touched my life. I can tell you how he rescued me at times I didn't deserve to be rescued. I can tell you how He showed Himself to me at times when I desperately needed to know He was there. I can tell you how, at a time when I felt completely alone in this world, He showed me that I would never, ever, ever be alone... because He wasn't going anywhere.

Do you want to know the lengths God would go to just so you have a way to be near Him? I can tell you about that. Do you want to know about how He listens when you talk to Him? How He lays out a path that's just for you and then leads you along that path, patiently and lovingly bringing you back even when you get sidetracked? Do you want to know how He can take even the worst of situations and use it for your good? I have stories I can share about ALL of those things!

It's not that I don't believe you need answers to the other questions. You do. But you need to hear it from Him, and I strongly encourage you to ask Him. He is not hiding Himself from you. In fact, He is always pursuing you. He loves you. He wants you to come to Him and ask.

And the most important thing about Him answering your questions instead of me? When He answers you, it will change your life forever.

I should have known.

For those of you who are on the edge of your seats wondering whatever became of our "roof" situation, here is an update.

Just to get everyone up to speed, about three months ago we received a letter from our insurance company informing us they were going to have someone do an "outdoor visual inspection" to see if there were any issues with our house that would cause them to decide to discontinue our coverage. My heart immediately began racing because I knew they would say we needed a new roof. We had checked into a new roof, but came to find out it was going to cost $10,000+ to redo it because of the height and because we have asbestos shingles.

Needless to say, that project quickly went to the back of line. That is, until we received the letter.

I didn't know what we would do. We HAVE to have insurance, but we didn't have $10,000 to fix our roof. So, we did what we always do..... we prayed. Now, some people pray for God to work everything out just the way they want it to work out. But we learned a LONG time ago, that's not the wisest prayer. We learned that we are working with very limited information, while He is working with the COMPLETE picture. We prayed for everything to work out the way HE wanted it to work out, and determined in our hearts to trust Him in whatever He decided.

You see, we have found over the course of our lives that God really does take care of us. He always has. Our lives are not always easy. Everything isn't always smooth-sailing. But He is always with us. He always takes care of us. And when we have to face tough things, He always sees us through and teaches us valuable lessons along the way. So when we prayed for everything to work out the way He wanted it to work out, we prayed knowing we were in the best hands we could possibly be in.

Well, the insurance guy came and guess what? He said we needed a new roof, and we got a letter saying they were going to discontinue our insurance. Our insurance agent called us and said if we could get it fixed before October (when our insurance expires) they would continue coverage. We decided to file an insurance claim and see what happened. We can't really see that high, but we hoped maybe they would find some hail damage and cover at least a portion of the roof. At this point, anything would help.

Yesterday some guys came out to make the decision. I found my heart being anxious, so Leonard and I sat down to pray again. We told God it didn't matter to us what kind of numbers this guy came back to us with because our trust was in Him, not them. We have entrusted our lives to Him, not the insurance company. And we decided a long time ago that no matter what this world throws at us, we would live with grateful hearts because we serve a God who deeply loves us, and that's all that really matters. What we have or don't have in this world is not the most important thing.

The guy finally knocked on the door and came in to discuss his findings. There was a little bit of hail damage on our roof. But because they no longer make asbestos shingles, the insurance company is going to cover replacing the entire roof. They will be paying for ALMOST ALL OF IT! More than we ever dared hope for or dream of. My heart was flooded with gratitude.

About 3 months ago, we were informed the insurance company would be doing a visual inspection and I thought it was terrible, terrible news. But if they hadn't done that, we would have never discovered the insurance company would pay for replacing our roof. We wouldn't have known, we wouldn't have asked. We would have just struggled to try to find a way to pay for it ourselves.

Once again, God drove the point home. We are working with so little information. What seems like the worst possible situation can be the beginning of the best thing that could happen. Trust. Trust that He knows what He is doing. Trust that He loves you. Trust that He will see you through, whether it's easy or it's hard. Certainly we are grateful the insurance company is covering our roof. But we know in our hearts if it had gone the other way, He still would have made a way. We still would have trusted Him to see us through, because that's what He does. He is a kind and loving and merciful God.

And He makes it so easy to live with a grateful heart.

Putting this world in its place

It often feels like this world has a lot more control over me than I would like it to. Of course, it will always have some measure of control, i.e. I have to work, pay taxes, etc. But it should NOT have the power to control how I feel and who I am on the inside. Even with paying taxes... I have to do it, but I don't have to lose my joy over it.

There are so many different things trying to suck me in, what with all the political stuff that's going on, the every day financial stuff, the lure of "things" I think I want.... the Bible calls it the "cares of this world".

I love the moments of clarity...when I realize on such a deep level what is really important. It's almost like I'm swept back into the garden of Eden, walking and talking with God. Just me and him.....

Mark 4:19    But all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things....

When He created the world, life was so simple. A great deal of what we worry about these days didn't even exist. We created it, and WE decided it was important. But the Bible tells us what the world honors is not the same as what God honors. And I find myself being drawn back to God over and over again, longing to dwell on the things HE deems important, and to free myself from this hold the world has on me.

Colossians 3:2  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.


1 Corinthians 1:20 So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish.


1 John 2:15-16   Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. Those are not from the Father, but are from this world.

I long to live my life fully aware of the presence of God. Not sometimes aware....FULLY aware. I long to be so close to him that hearing the news that our roof needs to be replaced and it's going to cost $10,000 doesn't throw me for a loop. I want my joy to remain intact, because the world doesn't have access to my joy. The stuff that happens in the world does not need to affect what goes on on the inside of me. Will the roof still need to be replaced? Maybe so, maybe not. But we will get through it. We ALWAYS do. He has ALWAYS made a way for us. Why would he stop now? We have vowed to trust Him with our lives. There was no disclaimer that we would trust Him with everything except the roof.

Matthew 6:33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.


We will have everything we need. And we will get through everything the world throws at us. It may not be easy, but one thing I know for sure .... God will remain near us, no matter what. He will teach us important things along the way that have to do with our character, our trust in Him, our love for others.... the things He deems important.


And as for the things of this world? They will have to take their place as a distant second.

Jumping on Bandwagons

I have always had an aversion to jumping on bandwagons. Sometimes to a fault, because I think it's entirely possible that even if there was something I actually wanted to be a part of, I might not simply because I don't want to jump on any bandwagons. I think in the Christian world the word bandwagon may be synonymous with 'movement'. At least for the purpose of this posting it is.

There have been three movements/bandwagons that I'm aware of since I became a Christian in 1983. There have probably been more, but these are the three I was affected by, so they are the three I want to cover.

First, we got in on the tail end of the "Faith" movement. In a nutshell, this was a movement that believed if you didn't get what you wanted, it's because you lacked faith. Maybe there were some "sub-movements" incorporated into this....name it/claim it, healing, etc.... but they all could really come under the heading of the faith movement.

The second movement I was exposed to was the "Prophetic/Apostolic" movement. This was the movement that believed you should do whatever the Prophets and Apostles told you to because they were the ones with a direct line to God.

And the latest movement, at least from what I've been reading on the internet, is the "Grace" movement. This movement teaches that since everything was taken care of by Jesus on the cross, there's really nothing else we need to concern ourselves with. We can "coast" into eternity, if you will.

The jury is still out on what I think about Rick Warren. Sometimes I think he is really wise, and other times I think he's gotten a little too caught up in himself. Truth is, I can't really say because I don't know the man. But there was one thing he said on Twitter that I agree with wholeheartedly. He said that most heresy in the church results from focusing on one Bible truth to the exclusion of all the others. I think that is true of all the movements referenced above.

There are four things that I believe these movements have in common.

1. They are all TRUE. But as stated above, they are true to the exclusion of many other truths. We need to look at the whole package.

2. They focus on us instead of God. They are all essentially about what we get out of this thing, not how Holy and Magnificent He is. The Faith movement is obvious.....I can have whatever I want if only I can muster up enough faith. The Prophetic/Apostolic was a little more subtle. We convinced ourselves it was out of sheer love for God that we wanted to hear prophecies about how great we were going to be in the kingdom and what a difference we personally would make. And the Grace movement focuses on the fact that we don't have to do or be or strive for anything.

3. They all accuse you of being a second rate Christian if you don't join in. You are faithless if you don't join the faith movement. You don't really love God and probably aren't even really a Christian if you don't join the Prophetic/Apostolic movement. And you're legalistic if you don't join the Grace movement. They all have the same idea. If you don't join the group, you're a big FAIL.

4. They all take the focus off what is really important. And don't take my word for it.... take Jesus's word for it. What is really important? LOVING GOD AND LOVING EACH OTHER. Laying our lives down for the kingdom. Spurring others on, encouraging them. Living every day in total adoration for the one who created all things. If we are busy trying to get everyone to have more faith, to follow the latest prophecy, or to be sure they're not being legalistic, we are not exerting our energy giving praise to the One who deserves all praise. I want to spend my energy pouring my love out on Him and His people.

I believe God gives us revelation at the times we need it the most. What He is showing me right now is probably not the same thing He is showing you. But I guarantee, in His Kingdom it will all fit together beautifully. He shows each of us what He shows us for a reason....because it's the very thing He wants us to know. And I guess that's why I think there's just really no need for bandwagons.

I believe He has it under control.

The End Times

There's been a lot of talk lately about the end times, and if nothing else it's got me to thinking.

May 21st came and went without incident, and I'll have to admit that's what I was expecting. My reasoning? The verse in the Bible where Jesus says no man knows the day or the hour.

Today I heard the newly predicted date is October 21st. My first thought was, "Here we go again." But then it occurred to me.... it has to happen eventually. Anyone who believes in the Bible knows that the end times will come, we just don't know when. And this morning it even occurred to me that maybe God WOULD tell someone when it's going to be. Maybe when Jesus was speaking, he simply meant that at that time no one knew yet.  Wouldn't be the first time we've totally misinterpreted what he said. (People were pretty off about how the whole Messiah thing would play out.) I don't necessarily believe that this guy knows the world is going to end on October 21st. But I also don't believe that I know for certain that it won't.

Today I watched this video someone shot while taking cover in Joplin, MO as a tornado tore apart the building around them. It made a huge impact on me.

tornado


The picture isn't very good, but listening to the people as the tornado ripped through brought tears to my eyes. And that's when it hit me.

The end times come every single day. Some people are expecting it and some aren't, but life in this world ends for them just the same. Hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, tornadoes. Getting hit by a bus when you cross the street. End times.

What difference does it make if the end times come because Jesus has returned, or if people face their end times because of a natural disaster? Should the way we are living be any different, whether Jesus is returning soon or not?

I want to live my life every day in gratitude for what God has done for me, and I want to offer that hope to those who need it the most.

October 21st will be the end times for somebody, even if it's not everybody. I don't want to be a scoffer like the people outside Noah's ark. I want to live every day from now until October 21st and beyond offering hope to people who need hope, never forgetting to be grateful for what He's done.

Because then.... and this is the greatest hope of all...... then the end is just the beginning.

It's all that matters...

Sometimes I feel the pressure more than others.
Deadlines, commitments, goals, five-year-plans.
Finances, obligations, responsibility.
It all meshes together, in part defining who I am.
How do I handle these things?
Showing integrity without being consumed.
Being what I need to be without making it who I am.
It all matters.
In one way or another, it matters.
But some of it only in the broadest sense.
Help me keep perspective.
Help me remember the one thing that matters more than anything else.
That in all these things,
    no matter how big or how small,
    no matter how worldly or how spiritual,
    help me to remember....

All that really matters to me
    is that my life glorifies You.

I've made the decision in advance

Have you ever been going merrily along in your life when all of a sudden WHAM! something blindsides you? Suddenly everything inside of you sinks, you feel lost, alone, maybe afraid,  and all you can think is, "What am I going to do?"

I've been there. In fact, something tried to blindside me yesterday. I say "tried" because it was only partially successful. You see, I've learned something in all these years of life I've lived. We can decide ahead of time that we are just going to trust God to walk us through every obstacle we face.

I'll admit, it knocked the wind out of my sail for a couple of hours. In my mind I was thinking, "God, what are we going to do...help us know what to do." But then I remembered that I already knew exactly what to do. I would trust Him. I would trust Him that at the right moment, in the right time He would show us the steps to take. And I remembered that no matter what happens, He is always near us and we have nothing to fear.

I know that's not quite the same as deciding ahead of time to trust in Him, but I'm getting closer and closer to having that be a reality in my life. And once I know....once I really know ahead of time that my trust is in Him no matter what... the blind-siding loses its power over me.

And we get to go on with life knowing that no matter what, everything will be okay in the end. God is with us. He isn't going anywhere. And that's all we need.

The Post I've Been Waiting For....

This is the post I've been waiting for. For NINE LONG MONTHS. Nine months of praying, hoping, crying, believing, growing.....

and HE'S BACK!!

My son-in-law, Aaron, finally returned to us on Friday night! It was quite an amazing reunion at the airport.

Can't you just see the enthusiasm in Scarlett's face? I think she was ready to go to sleep. But look how Ellie is clinging to her daddy. She was so excited! And she and Ezekiel held hands all the way through the airport.

We had a welcome home party Saturday night at the church and it was GLORIOUS! We thanked God, we thanked the people who have stood with us through all of this, and we CELEBRATED!

Someday I'll share all the wonderful things God taught us all through this trial. But right now I'm going to just bask in the happiness of knowing the trial is behind us.

My family is together again. 

A lot has happened.....

I have never had a problem expressing myself with the written word......

Until the last few months.

A lot has been going on, both outwardly and inwardly. Usually when I am having intense feelings I immediately start writing, but this year has been different. I've been doing a lot of thinking, often lamenting. In many areas I've been adjusting my thinking. But I haven't done much writing, because for some reason that I can't begin to understand (because it's so totally not like me) it all feels stuck on the inside.

This has been a year when the tragedy of death seemed like it was going to incapacitate us, only to be followed by the elation of one wonderful birth after another. It's been a year of cancer, separation of family, pain, struggling. And at the very same time that a family was grieving so deeply over the death of their young daughter/wife/mother who collapsed on her treadmill only to die a few days later, we got the very best news we could possibly hope to get. Our family would soon be reunited.

We were celebrating our greatest joy....something we had been eagerly waiting months to hear.... at the very same time they were grieving the biggest loss they had ever had. And I think that's when it really hit me. This world will never make sense. We will continue taking turns celebrating and mourning and celebrating again. Terrible, terrible things will happen. But really wonderful things will happen, too. Over and over and over again. People in one part of the world are struggling with how to find something to feed their children so they don't die of starvation. Others are struggling with how to fit a flat-screen tv into their budget. It doesn't make sense.

And I find myself in unfamiliar territory. I don't know what to say. I feel this strong urge to live for something more meaningful. Leonard and I continue to feel it's getting harder and harder to live our comfortable little lives knowing there are so many people out there who are really suffering. I feel like there is some sort of awakening going on in the inside of me, and yet I don't know what I'm waking up to.

I like being able to end my writing with the point. The reason I wrote it.

But I don't know what to say.

My Hope is in You, Lord

We used to sing a song that went like this:

My life is in you, Lord
My strength is in you, Lord
My hope is in you, Lord
In you, it's in you.

I loved that song. I still do, actually. It's a wonderful reminder of how absolutely everything is wrapped up in Him.

Today I was thinking about this verse:

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. At first I thought I could really relate to that. I've had some pretty high hopes lately that I felt were quite "deferred". But it led to the question....What had I put my hope in? If my hope is really in Him, is it possible for it to be deferred?

No doubt, there are things in this life we would like to see happen. Circumstances we'd like to see changed. Things that would make our lives so much easier. But we can never allow our hope to be in that circumstance. Our hope must remain in Him.

Can we believe that no matter what we see, He is in control and He knows exactly the right thing to do? Can we really believe that? Can we believe that if our hope is in Him, our dreams will be fulfilled beyond our wildest imaginations?  Hope is a crucial part of our lives. It leads directly to that tree of life that is promised for dreams fulfilled. There is great anticipation and excitement that comes with hope.

And if we keep our hope in Him....our hope will never be deferred.