Saturday, November 26, 2011

What does it take to shake my faith these days?

I am really fortunate in that I have felt tremendously close to and in-touch with God these past few months. I feel like He has been revealing amazing things to me in the area of fully trusting Him. I feel like He has been drawing me closer and closer to Him. And I feel like I am more aware of His Spirit than ever before. It has been a really awesome time of growth for me and I feel stronger in my faith than ever before.

So what does it take to shake that faith? Not as much as you may think.

I've told the roof story... $17,000+ later, we walked through that trial with our faith intact. And we've had a couple of similar big events (nothing to do with $, but still requiring great faith) that He led us in trusting Him through from start to finish. Amazing stories of His faithfulness that we will never forget. Those experiences will affect our lives forever.

But today? Today I'm dealing with things that really shake my faith. Broken Christmas decorations (why don't we take the time to pack them better??), lost Christmas stockings (that we just bought 3 weeks ago... who loses stuff that fast??), dog poo on the floor (Thanks, Mumford.), a few unkind words spoken to me, and thus a whole attitude of, "I  CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!"

I could feel myself getting more and more upset on the inside as the incidents continued to pile one on top of another, so I retreated to my room to try to stop the madness, maybe gain some perspective. And as I sat here, feeling like my very world was crumbling around me... perspective is exactly what I gained.

I could believe that God was on His throne and fully in control when faced with how we were going to pay for a $17,000 roof, but when I lost our Christmas stockings (total value... $12 plus tax) then suddenly He's fallen off His throne and Satan is running rampant in my life??!! The Christmas decorations can be glued... or even thrown out. It will not change the meaning of what Jesus has done for me. There will be times unkind words are spoken, both to me and unfortunately by me, for as long as I live on this earth. And I will have to work through the relationships in order to make them stronger rather than letting them be destroyed. It's what He's called us to do, and it actually helps us grow every time we work through one of those situations. Pretty sure He's still on His throne for all of that.

As I sat here pondering all of this it made me wonder how all this little stuff can wreak such havoc in my life. Will there be a certain age I hit when I can face one little thing after another all the day long with a smile, knowing that none of it really changes our quality of life? And, more importantly, none of it affects how close we are to God. Is there a certain level of faith I will reach when I will not only be able to trust Him to get our family through a devastating separation in which we are stuck in two different countries, but I will ALSO be able to trust Him to get us through the devastation of broken Christmas ornaments? It was sad for me to even type that question. Sad that I let this little stuff take such a big place in my life.

So, I know it's not time for New Year's Resolutions, but it's the season we celebrate the greatest miracle of all time, so I'm going to take the opportunity to publicly repent and trust God to help me walk a different road going forward. I want to be quick to stop and re-evaluate when I sense I am losing my joy. I want to always be mindful that I walk closely with Him, that He is powerful, loving, and kind, and that He is always paying attention. I want to be confident that I can take every situation to Him and He will listen, and guide me, and help me to grow through it.  Yes, even if we lose our Christmas stockings that are only three weeks old.

What a woman of faith I will be.