I just got back from attending the funeral of our pastor's grandmother, Marie Mixner. Marie was 94 years old and although I just got to know her the last few years when she and her husband Albert moved to Nebraska, she has made a lasting impression on me.
Rewind to Mother's Day several years ago. A young woman in our church decided to put on a big event for Mother's Day, complete with a meal, a program, a video... it was a wonderful event! I was standing by Marie's table when she looked up at me and said, "Tracy, I'll bet you had something to do with planning this!" I quickly told her, "No, it was Sara... she planned the whole thing. I'm getting old and tired... time to let the younger girls do this stuff." She looked me straight in the eye and said, "What??!! Old and tired?? I was TWICE your age before I started slowing down!"
Keep in mind, I was probably 42 when I said that. But I realized it was true. She did stay active and serve well into her 80's. The other night Dan told me how Albert was still climbing up on the roof of their old church to fix things when he was in his 80's. The church had to MAKE him stop climbing up there! And that is the life of servanthood that Albert and Marie Mixner led.
They are an inspiration to Leonard and I. That's the kind of people we want to be... eager to serve, LOVING to serve. Never wanting to stop.
I don't think I'll ever be able to utter the words "I'm old and tired" again. I will follow Marie Mixner's example, as she followed Christ's.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Faith - Day 3
The very day we found out Aaron's mom was denied for coming to the States for the wedding, Rachel found a quote (by Anne Lamott) on her facebook page that said when God is going to do something wonderful, He always starts with a hardship and when He's going to do something amazing, He starts with an impossibility.
Great timing? An encouragement from God to trust that he's going to do something amazing? I know it's possible it wasn't meant to have anything to do with our situation. And yet, in my heart of hearts it gives me hope. Yes, God can take an impossibility and turn it in to something amazing. I've seen him do it.
The other night I told my friend, Terri, that I know God does amazing things, because I HAVE SEEN many of them. Her reply? "God always does amazing things. We just think it's particularly great when they line up with what we want."
hmmmmm. That is certainly true. We tend to think things are especially amazing when we get what we want. But for me, I think it goes even deeper than that. I want to KNOW God. I want to really know him, and I want to believe all the things he wants me to believe. And when a situation like this arises where it has to do so much with relationship, everything I know about him tells me that surely he wants this as much as we do.
So then if he doesn't make a way for her to be here... if it doesn't happen... it's not so much about whether he does amazing things. I still know he does. The question that will keep me up at night is "Do I even know him?" When everything I think to be true turns out to be wrong... it makes me wonder if this relationship that I think is so very close is in fact lacking. He knows everything about me, but after all this time do I still not know him like I thought I did? That is the underlying fear.
Surely we spend our whole lives getting to know God, and still we only scratch the surface because there is more depth to him than is humanly possible to imagine. But the parts that I've seen, the love that I've known, the heart that has drawn us to him and to each other... I can't imagine that he wouldn't want to make a way for Aaron and his mom to finally be together on this special day. I can't imagine his heart would not be for the son who desperately wants to see his mom. Even Oprah, in all her limited humanness, would want that.
So my quest for faith has become this. A quest to know if I know God. A quest for him to show me more of himself, and to show me what to believe. My desire is to know you, Lord. Reveal yourself, reveal your heart, reveal your love.
I can't bring myself to believe this is the final word on the situation with Aaron's mom. I'm holding out for the amazing things that God will do.
Great timing? An encouragement from God to trust that he's going to do something amazing? I know it's possible it wasn't meant to have anything to do with our situation. And yet, in my heart of hearts it gives me hope. Yes, God can take an impossibility and turn it in to something amazing. I've seen him do it.
The other night I told my friend, Terri, that I know God does amazing things, because I HAVE SEEN many of them. Her reply? "God always does amazing things. We just think it's particularly great when they line up with what we want."
hmmmmm. That is certainly true. We tend to think things are especially amazing when we get what we want. But for me, I think it goes even deeper than that. I want to KNOW God. I want to really know him, and I want to believe all the things he wants me to believe. And when a situation like this arises where it has to do so much with relationship, everything I know about him tells me that surely he wants this as much as we do.
So then if he doesn't make a way for her to be here... if it doesn't happen... it's not so much about whether he does amazing things. I still know he does. The question that will keep me up at night is "Do I even know him?" When everything I think to be true turns out to be wrong... it makes me wonder if this relationship that I think is so very close is in fact lacking. He knows everything about me, but after all this time do I still not know him like I thought I did? That is the underlying fear.
Surely we spend our whole lives getting to know God, and still we only scratch the surface because there is more depth to him than is humanly possible to imagine. But the parts that I've seen, the love that I've known, the heart that has drawn us to him and to each other... I can't imagine that he wouldn't want to make a way for Aaron and his mom to finally be together on this special day. I can't imagine his heart would not be for the son who desperately wants to see his mom. Even Oprah, in all her limited humanness, would want that.
So my quest for faith has become this. A quest to know if I know God. A quest for him to show me more of himself, and to show me what to believe. My desire is to know you, Lord. Reveal yourself, reveal your heart, reveal your love.
I can't bring myself to believe this is the final word on the situation with Aaron's mom. I'm holding out for the amazing things that God will do.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Faith - Day 2
Here I am in day 2 of trying to make peace with the fact that God didn't do things the way I expected him to. Honestly, I don't know why I even have a problem with it. There have been so many times that I've wound up being SO GLAD he did things differently.
But then there are those nagging times that I haven't been glad at all. Like with Doug & Jean laying in bed with their MS... in pain... day after day after day. I can't understand why he hasn't healed them from this horrible disease. What if this is one of those times?
I've already gone through the whole gamut of thinking of all the reasonable explanations for why he may have kept Aaron's mom from coming. Maybe the plane she would have taken was going to crash...etc., etc.
But most of all, I keep hoping that even though the situation looks more difficult than ever, he will still make a way. I daydream about the look on Aaron's face when he sees his mom for the first time in 6 years. And the joy on her face as she embraces the most adorable grandchildren in all the world. I just want her to be here. And God is all about relationships... so I can't help but believe he wants her here, too.
So that's how I will continue to pray and hope and believe. Somehow he will make a way. Somehow she will get here and it will be an amazing and wonderful reunion. For everything I know about his heart, I can't imagine that he wouldn't be as happy as we would be to see this happen.
Lord, I pray that you would do what you do best. The impossible.
But then there are those nagging times that I haven't been glad at all. Like with Doug & Jean laying in bed with their MS... in pain... day after day after day. I can't understand why he hasn't healed them from this horrible disease. What if this is one of those times?
I've already gone through the whole gamut of thinking of all the reasonable explanations for why he may have kept Aaron's mom from coming. Maybe the plane she would have taken was going to crash...etc., etc.
But most of all, I keep hoping that even though the situation looks more difficult than ever, he will still make a way. I daydream about the look on Aaron's face when he sees his mom for the first time in 6 years. And the joy on her face as she embraces the most adorable grandchildren in all the world. I just want her to be here. And God is all about relationships... so I can't help but believe he wants her here, too.
So that's how I will continue to pray and hope and believe. Somehow he will make a way. Somehow she will get here and it will be an amazing and wonderful reunion. For everything I know about his heart, I can't imagine that he wouldn't be as happy as we would be to see this happen.
Lord, I pray that you would do what you do best. The impossible.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Faith--the general, non-specific kind
Days like today make me wonder how deep my faith really is. Is there any depth or meaning to it at all? Or is it a very generic sort of faith? Let me back up a little bit.
I have no trouble having faith in God. I have faith that he will always be there for us. Faith that no matter what happens, good or bad, he will walk through it with us and we will be okay. I have faith that he knows what he is doing and we need to just let him do it. But that kind of blows to pieces my faith in the power of prayer.
Rachel & Aaron are getting married on December 5th. Aaron has not seen his mom since he was 16 years old. Because it would mean SO MUCH to Aaron to have his mom at the wedding, and to have her see her only grandchildren for the very first time, we spent the last few months lining up everything she would need to be able to get here for the big event.
There was a big obstacle to overcome in that Aaron's aunt on his dad's side (through a complex set of circumstances) had the deed to Aaron's mom's house. This is one of the things she really needed before she went to her meeting to see if she could come, because the big issue is if she is financially stable enough that they believe she won't just try to stay here. This particular aunt had a history of looking out for herself and not really caring about what it did to others. However, when Aaron's mom went to her to offer to somehow buy back the deed to the house, her heart softened and she just let her have it, free and clear.
Rachel's eyes were full of light as she confidently told Aaron that she believed God softened his aunt's heart, that no one else could have done that. She told him she knew at that point that God would make a way for his mom to be at the wedding. She had total faith that God would come through.
Up until today when Aaron's mom had the meeting and they denied her request to come. They consider her a flight risk because she doesn't have a lot of money. Rachel called me, crying. She knew how much Aaron wanted his mom to be here.
I assured Rachel that it's not over until it's over. They said she could get a lawyer and still try to come, so I said that's what we'll do. We'll get a lawyer. But I was so disappointed. I hate to put this in print, but I was disappointed in God. I know he will always take care of us. I know we will all be okay. But this meant so much to Aaron and Rachel, and they were counting on him to soften the hearts that needed to be softened, and to make a way where there was no way. I know God is not some genie in a bottle that just does whatever we want him to do. But Aaron & Rachel are young and just learning to put their trust in him. I thought he'd throw them a bone.
I know that sounds like I think God is mean... I really don't. I know he is a loving and kind God. I'm just struggling with some major disappointment here. My hope is that if we continue to pray and put our trust in him, he will still make a way for her to be here. But I'm afraid to tell Rachel and Aaron to trust that he will make a way.... just in case he doesn't. Because we all know he doesn't always do what we want him to do.
And this is where my dilemma is. I'm fine with just letting God do whatever he thinks is right. I trust that he is well-informed and knows the right thing to do. But where does prayer come into this? I don't even like the whole concept of having faith when we pray because then when it doesn't happen, it makes me question WHY we are supposed to have faith when we pray.
I wind up going back to my comfy place of having faith that God knows what he's doing and I need to trust him. But is that making excuses for God?? Is that my way of saying God is not moved by our prayers and we just need to be okay with that? I believe I serve a God who is big enough that he doesn't need us to make excuses for him when he doesn't come through. He is the God of the universe and he knows the best thing to do at all times.
....................but what do I tell Rachel and Aaron?
That is my question for God.
I'll keep you posted.
I have no trouble having faith in God. I have faith that he will always be there for us. Faith that no matter what happens, good or bad, he will walk through it with us and we will be okay. I have faith that he knows what he is doing and we need to just let him do it. But that kind of blows to pieces my faith in the power of prayer.
Rachel & Aaron are getting married on December 5th. Aaron has not seen his mom since he was 16 years old. Because it would mean SO MUCH to Aaron to have his mom at the wedding, and to have her see her only grandchildren for the very first time, we spent the last few months lining up everything she would need to be able to get here for the big event.
There was a big obstacle to overcome in that Aaron's aunt on his dad's side (through a complex set of circumstances) had the deed to Aaron's mom's house. This is one of the things she really needed before she went to her meeting to see if she could come, because the big issue is if she is financially stable enough that they believe she won't just try to stay here. This particular aunt had a history of looking out for herself and not really caring about what it did to others. However, when Aaron's mom went to her to offer to somehow buy back the deed to the house, her heart softened and she just let her have it, free and clear.
Rachel's eyes were full of light as she confidently told Aaron that she believed God softened his aunt's heart, that no one else could have done that. She told him she knew at that point that God would make a way for his mom to be at the wedding. She had total faith that God would come through.
Up until today when Aaron's mom had the meeting and they denied her request to come. They consider her a flight risk because she doesn't have a lot of money. Rachel called me, crying. She knew how much Aaron wanted his mom to be here.
I assured Rachel that it's not over until it's over. They said she could get a lawyer and still try to come, so I said that's what we'll do. We'll get a lawyer. But I was so disappointed. I hate to put this in print, but I was disappointed in God. I know he will always take care of us. I know we will all be okay. But this meant so much to Aaron and Rachel, and they were counting on him to soften the hearts that needed to be softened, and to make a way where there was no way. I know God is not some genie in a bottle that just does whatever we want him to do. But Aaron & Rachel are young and just learning to put their trust in him. I thought he'd throw them a bone.
I know that sounds like I think God is mean... I really don't. I know he is a loving and kind God. I'm just struggling with some major disappointment here. My hope is that if we continue to pray and put our trust in him, he will still make a way for her to be here. But I'm afraid to tell Rachel and Aaron to trust that he will make a way.... just in case he doesn't. Because we all know he doesn't always do what we want him to do.
And this is where my dilemma is. I'm fine with just letting God do whatever he thinks is right. I trust that he is well-informed and knows the right thing to do. But where does prayer come into this? I don't even like the whole concept of having faith when we pray because then when it doesn't happen, it makes me question WHY we are supposed to have faith when we pray.
I wind up going back to my comfy place of having faith that God knows what he's doing and I need to trust him. But is that making excuses for God?? Is that my way of saying God is not moved by our prayers and we just need to be okay with that? I believe I serve a God who is big enough that he doesn't need us to make excuses for him when he doesn't come through. He is the God of the universe and he knows the best thing to do at all times.
....................but what do I tell Rachel and Aaron?
That is my question for God.
I'll keep you posted.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Caring About Today
I think if we all stop and take a good look, there is a lot to love about today. A lot to treasure. A lot of things we may want to take the time to really live and absorb and make a part of ourselves. We get so busy sometimes hoping for the things that we don't have yet, that we miss some wonderful opportunities to experience life today.
I've been trying to make it a point to think about this every day. There are new people that have come into Leonard's and my life that I hadn't really taken the time to appreciate. Why are they in our lives now? What love and support can we offer in their efforts to be closer to Jesus?
We have a wedding coming up. We are thinking so much about the wedding day, I hadn't really taken the time to stand back and enjoy the excitement in my daughter's eyes today. Today we looked for jewelry, and the time we spent together doing it? I'll treasure it in my heart forever.
Every day our grandkids are coming up with something new. They're at the age where they're constantly discovering and learning... and then taking those things and making them a part of their own unique little personalities.
My oldest daughter, Jenelle, is going to college, majoring in English ed. It's easy to be so focused on where she's trying to get to that we miss how very blessed she is to be having the experiences she is having on campus every day. She has met so many people that never would have been a part of her life had she not taken on this adventure. Every relationship, every encounter, every experience that she has on the way to that degree is so very important.
Today is often rushed. How much can we get done? Who needs to be where? What time is it now? But oh, the joy when we choose to open our eyes and take the time to appreciate the things we're doing . . . and the people we're doing them with.
I've been trying to make it a point to think about this every day. There are new people that have come into Leonard's and my life that I hadn't really taken the time to appreciate. Why are they in our lives now? What love and support can we offer in their efforts to be closer to Jesus?
We have a wedding coming up. We are thinking so much about the wedding day, I hadn't really taken the time to stand back and enjoy the excitement in my daughter's eyes today. Today we looked for jewelry, and the time we spent together doing it? I'll treasure it in my heart forever.
Every day our grandkids are coming up with something new. They're at the age where they're constantly discovering and learning... and then taking those things and making them a part of their own unique little personalities.
My oldest daughter, Jenelle, is going to college, majoring in English ed. It's easy to be so focused on where she's trying to get to that we miss how very blessed she is to be having the experiences she is having on campus every day. She has met so many people that never would have been a part of her life had she not taken on this adventure. Every relationship, every encounter, every experience that she has on the way to that degree is so very important.
Today is often rushed. How much can we get done? Who needs to be where? What time is it now? But oh, the joy when we choose to open our eyes and take the time to appreciate the things we're doing . . . and the people we're doing them with.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Tired Boy
This is my grandson, Ezekiel.
Doesn't it seem that kids know a little something about the importance of rest that we adults have lost touch with?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Expect God to Do Great Things
I once heard faith defined as "expecting that God will do great things". (Not to be confused with "expecting that God will do what you want him to do") That particular definition is really inspiring to me.
God, by his nature, will do great things. If we will take the time to notice, I am convinced we will be able to identify daily great things he has done all around us. I am so inspired by this concept, I've asked my sister-in-law to make me a small sign to hang above our doorway. The last thing we will see as we leave the house in the morning is "Expect God to Do Great Things Today!" (A little reminder never hurts.)
Today Jenelle left town once again to head back to college in Minnesota. Before she left, I snapped a picture:
The man on the left? A devoted husband, father, and grandfather. He takes the time to be sure that all of us know we are loved and well cared for. Then there's Jenelle. Somehow going to a Christian college that no ordinary person can really afford, learning things about herself and the path God has for her. Rachel, with a husband and two children that she adores, and who adore her. Then little Ellie. No, she's not asleep. She's not even shy. It's her baby sense of humor! Every time I said I was going to take the picture, she'd lay her head down and pretend to be sleeping! She's funny already.
It's moments like these that I capture in my heart. Who needs a sign over the doorway? God has done great things today.
God, by his nature, will do great things. If we will take the time to notice, I am convinced we will be able to identify daily great things he has done all around us. I am so inspired by this concept, I've asked my sister-in-law to make me a small sign to hang above our doorway. The last thing we will see as we leave the house in the morning is "Expect God to Do Great Things Today!" (A little reminder never hurts.)
Today Jenelle left town once again to head back to college in Minnesota. Before she left, I snapped a picture:
The man on the left? A devoted husband, father, and grandfather. He takes the time to be sure that all of us know we are loved and well cared for. Then there's Jenelle. Somehow going to a Christian college that no ordinary person can really afford, learning things about herself and the path God has for her. Rachel, with a husband and two children that she adores, and who adore her. Then little Ellie. No, she's not asleep. She's not even shy. It's her baby sense of humor! Every time I said I was going to take the picture, she'd lay her head down and pretend to be sleeping! She's funny already.
It's moments like these that I capture in my heart. Who needs a sign over the doorway? God has done great things today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
