Giving Up Control

Sometimes I love the freedom that has come with knowing Christ and no longer needing to control everything.

Other times this sense of being out-of-control makes me feel anxious, fearful, even helpless. There are things that I want to work out. Not just for me, but for others. There are things people need, and sometimes I try to help them and find that there's NOTHING I can do. And my first thought is . . . this can't be right. There's GOT to be SOMETHING I can do. There must be another angle, a back door, SOMETHING. I can't just sit and do nothing. I HAVE to find a way to make this work out.

And I try. I try every angle I can think of. I make phone calls, I pool resources, and I pray. I pray and I pray and I pray. God, help me. I can't figure out what to do. Show me, Lord. Show me what to do.

I'm not very good at recognizing His voice when He says "Do nothing". Do nothing. Certainly that can't be the answer. No one's problems are resolved that way. And worst of all . . . I can't see how it's going to work out. What if it never works out? What if it all falls apart?

I'm sure it would border on blasphemous if I said I wanted to control God. And certainly that would never be my intent. But, honestly . . . do I want to control God? There are times I would love to be able to move His hand. People who desperately need healing, children who may lose their fathers, people whose entire futures are on the line . . . God, we need to fix this. He MUST know we need to fix this.

We. That's interesting. Does God really need my help in running the universe? Why is it, really, that I need to do something? Why can't I pray and let it go? And once again, the ugly truth sneers at me. I don't really trust Him.

God knows I WANT to trust Him. I want to give everything to Him. I want to be able to lay my petitions at His feet and know that they are in the capable hands of our loving Father. I want to know Him so well, that I know He will take care of everything. And that even if He doesn't do what I think He should . . . everything will be okay.

Everything will be okay. Those are the words He speaks to my heart, and yet it only brings tears. What happens, God, if she loses her father? What happens if they have to suffer for the rest of their lives? What happens . . . . what happens?

And He says, "Trust Me. Everything will be okay. You still don't understand. It's bigger than all of this. It's much, much bigger than all of this."

And all I can do is cry. I know You're right. I know I see such a small piece of it all. But the pieces I see are breaking my heart. Help me to trust You. Help me to know You more. Help me to willingly lay down the control and believe in the power of Your love. I don't know what to do. But You know. You know and You care. You can see the whole picture, and You love all of these people more than I do.

They are much safer with You than they are with me.