Seeing the Sun Shine

I could never live in Seattle -- I've heard it rains there more than it doesn't. And although I like a good thunderstorm now and then, too much gloominess just makes me sad. We have had rain here in Lincoln for so many days in a row, I've gotten into a frump. And actually, the sun came out just in time today to keep me from slipping into a full-blown cranky. I don't know what it is about the gloominess, but my soul just can't take it for too long.

Curiously, I already know my perspective is limited, and I let myself get down anyway. A few winters ago, I was in one of these frumps because it had been gloomy too long, and I had to fly out to Minnesota for work. I got on the plane and went up, up, up through the clouds. All of a sudden, we were above the clouds and the most amazing thing happened... the sun shone right in my window, bright as could be! My mood changed instantly! It was as if an old friend had just appeared and I wanted to shout, "You're still here!!!" (However, I refrained from any outbursts... what with not wanting to get kicked off the plane and all.)

It was then that I had the revelation. I stand under the clouds feeling as if the sun is gone, when all along it's shining just as brightly as ever right above the darkness! It doesn't take a great deal of inner reflection to relate that to our Christian lives. How many times have we let our circumstances (the clouds) convince us that God (the sun) is no longer at work (shining)??? I don't think I care to admit how many times that has really happened in my life.

But the thing that really has me baffled is that even after the incredible revelation on the plane, I continue to let it happen. I KNOW that the sun is shining on the gloomy days, and I KNOW that God is still working even when the circumstances look like He's not. I DO! I really know that! And I would go so far as to say I really do believe it. But I sure don't always act like I believe it.

I've been taught that what you do says more about what you believe than what you say. And I think that certainly sounds reasonable. And yet, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there have been times I've let myself get down, all the while knowing and believing that God would see me through in the end. So I can only assume that at those times, that just wasn't good enough for me. And that's even worse.

Have I become so spoiled that I don't think I should ever have to have any hard times? Do I believe that God has to prove His love to me by immediately rescuing me out of every bad situation? That would be some pretty messed up theology. I hope I have not become so lazy in my Christianity that I am not up for a little adversity along the way. I have always considered myself on the tenacious side... why would I let myself get down instead of standing up to fight?

It is embarrassing to hold this mirror up and see what I see. "God I know you will take care of me, but since you aren't doing it right now I'm just going to be in a gloomy mood until you do something." Chapter and verse? Anyone? Anyone? I'm thinking it would be tough to find any scripture to back up that kind of thinking, and yet I'm afraid it's what I do. I would never tolerate that kind of attitude from my daughters. If they show any sign of not being grateful for all we do for them, they hear about it. I think it's about time I hear from God.

Lord, I believe that you take care of us. We have years and years of proof. Please know that I truly am grateful for every blessing you've poured out on us. We don't deserve the goodness you show us. Help me, God, to always have a grateful heart. I don't want to sulk until you do what I want you to do. Remind me to be satisfied in every situation, whether the circumstances are lining up or not. Teach me what you want me to learn through the gloomy days, and give me eyes to see the sun when it appears it's not even there. You are all I need and all I desire, Lord . . . the sunshine in my day is You.