Being Still

There's nothing worse than being sick. There are already so many things to accomplish over the course of a day, and doing them at half-pace (or sometimes no-pace) just makes the day a little bit tougher. And worst of all, I've lost my voice. I whispered to Leonard yesterday, "I can't talk... and talking is one of my favorite things." He just laughed. Oh, he knows.

But the strangest thing happened. I subscribe to this little "verse-a-day" thing from the online New Living Translation site. It sends a Bible verse via e-mail to me each day, and often gives me something that I ponder all the day long. This particular verse, however, gave me more of a "jolt". As I was lamenting the loss of my voice, and all the things I couldn't say, I opened my e-mail to, "Be still and know that I am God."

Dang it. Is THIS a good time to teach me a life lesson? And now I wonder, was my voice taken away by design? Maybe it wasn't all the screaming at the Fall Festival. .....I'm talking too much again.

If I were to show you all of my grade school report cards, you would see that on each and every one, the teachers checked the box by "Whispers too much". So this isn't something I grew into; it's been a lifelong issue. I've ALWAYS had a lot to say. It doesn't matter if it's relevant. It doesn't matter if it's full of revelation. It doesn't even actually matter if it makes any sense. If it pops into my head, I say it. Leonard has always told people I've never had an unspoken thought. Unfortunately that's a pretty accurate assessment.

So of all things... Be still and know that I am God???? I know that He's God when I'm talking. Why is it so important to be still? But since I couldn't talk anyway, I decided to listen. And that's when it happened.

I felt the power of His love. My mind went back many years to when I was going through some very hard times. Times when I had no words, only tears. And I remember how He gave Himself to me in those quiet times. I remember how He gave me the desire to go on when I didn't think I could. I remember learning what it meant that when we are weak, He is strong. During those times, I learned how very deep His love is for me. And that's something I have never forgotten.

And I have to confess. There is great power in silence. When I am silent, when I am willing to lay aside all of my own thoughts and ideas, when I'm willing to pull away from the pressures of the world... He speaks. And His words ALWAYS have relevance. He always brings revelation. And He always makes sense of the chaos. During the times when I get going full-steam-ahead... plan this, plan that, figure out the details, make it work.... I forget the need to be silent. And soon, I run out of gas. I forget to spend time just abiding in His presence, and I burn out. And once I let that happen, it takes a long, long time to recover.

Thank God I have lost my voice.