Trusting

We listened to a really great DVD last night at church about trusting God. There were lots of excellent points made by the speaker, but one thing in particular really got me to thinking.

At one point, almost in passing, he offered a scenario that things may be going really well in your life and you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop... for God to take it all away. And on the way home from church I told Leonard that's a fear I battle with too often.

Right now, I consider Leonard's and my life to be the best its ever been. We get to work together (and we love our jobs), we're making what we consider to be good money, our girls are older and not struggling as intensely as they once did, everyone is healthy, AND we continue to feel closer and more connected with God . . . it's just a great life. But sometimes I fear it will all be taken away. Deep down I think, "But wait . . . this isn't my lot in life. I don't get to have this. I have to be poor and struggling. That's what was dealt to me. God has made a mistake and when He realizes it, He will take it all away."

Now, deep down I know God isn't like that. But I guess I can't get past that age-old feeling that I don't get to have what other people have. It's above me. Maybe it comes from growing up in a "welfare" home . . . I don't know. But it's actually something God spoke to me about a couple of years ago, and since that time things have been turning around. God has done something amazing in my life, and here I am just worrying about losing it.

But last night something occurred to me. What if we did lose it? But what if we KNEW that God took it away because that was ABSOLUTELY the best thing for us spiritually at that point in time? Would we gladly give it up?

And it caused me to think about all the ups and downs of life. We tend to look at our situations in this world as good or bad. Things are either going well or they aren't. But what if, since we have surrendered ourselves to God, absolutely everything that is happening to us, both good and bad, is the very best thing that could be happening to us spiritually at that point in time? Would that awareness make it easier to live through both the ups AND the downs? To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that something amazing and profound is being accomplished in us on the inside, even though the situation may be tough? That we will reap unfathomable benefits in the realm of the spirit from the very experiences that seem so trying to us?

And that nagging fear that I always tried to keep in the background started to subside. It truly is about trust. Do I want to give up the life we have right now? No. But if God thinks it's the best thing for us, I believe Him. It's not about whether we live comfortably in this world or not. It's about spiritual growth. It's about getting closer to Him and knowing Him more intimately. And no matter what, I want whatever He thinks will bring more of that into my life.

This must be exactly what He was talking about when He spoke of losing your life to save it. There is nothing in this world that can ever mean so much to me that I would choose it over what God has for me. We get so conditioned to wanting things in the world, we sometimes lose sight of desiring what's eternal. We forget that's all that REALLY matters.

When we ask God, "Why is this happening?" or "Why is that happening?" it almost always has to do with our worldly situations. In the midst of a trial, I hardly ever ask, "Doggone it, God, why do you love me so much that you're putting me through exactly what I need to bring me closer to you? Why are you helping me grow and mature? Why are you helping me become all the things I was created to be?"

As I go through life, I hope I remain constantly aware that whether the situation is comfortable for me or not, God is doing what's best for me.

And what's best for me really doesn't have a lot to do with my worldly circumstances.