Top 5

Although we have a New Year's Eve party to plan yet, the Holiday rush is pretty much over. It's almost a sad day... taking down the tree, putting away the ornaments, no more gifts to give or to open. And yet, as exciting as the Holiday season is, I'm pretty sure I couldn't live like that all year long. How utterly exhausting that would be. As much as I love all our traditions and all the special little things that make everything Christmas-y, it's going to be nice to just settle back into our normal lives. (I especially like having the space in my living room back after the tree is gone!) One of the greatest parts of Christmas is spending time with family and I'm lucky enough to have that all year long.

It seems natural at the end of the year to reflect on our lives . . . where we've been, what we've accomplished, how we've changed . . . and also to think about the things we'd like to change/accomplish in the next year. I actually think about those kinds of things all year long, but since we're drawing to the close of the year, I find myself motivated to write some of them down. Here are my Top 5 goals for 2008:

1. To be more compassionate. It's easy for me to be compassionate toward people I feel deserve it. It's much harder when I think people are getting what they deserve. (That's so amazing that I can have an attitude like that when I'm fully aware of the times God so graciously didn't give me what I deserved.) Jesus never enabled people, and yet at the same time he always showed compassion. Being able to live life in that delicate balance is a gift I believe can only come from Him, and I deeply desire that gift. I want to be able to see things as they are, offer whatever insight God gives me to offer, offer whatever help he inspires me to give and do it all with a heart that's full of compassion.

2. To help more people. I do love helping people, but often times I find myself making selfish decisions instead. Usually it's because I haven't even taken the time to assess the needs of those around me. I want to become more aware of the needs of people and the ways that I can help. I want to help them cheerfully, and I want to be happier that I've been able to help them than I would be if I was able to do something for myself.

3. I want to care about more things. It's hard for me to care about things that aren't in my immediate surroundings. I'm one of those people that can hear the plights of the starving people in third world countries, say 'Oh, that's so sad' (and mean it) and then go out to eat with my family without giving it another thought. If it's not where I can see it, touch it, be a part of it, I have trouble understanding the reality of it. I am pretty aware of the fact that I've lived a pampered life here in the United States, even living most of my life at the poorer end of the pamperedness. But I don't think I understand the depth of the privilege I've really had. I've seen movies that last a couple of hours and they make me want to go somewhere and do something to help people. But when I find no immediate outlets to see that through, I go back to my life and I forget. I don't want to forget. I want to make a difference.

4. I want to be a better wife and mother. I know my family knows I love them. And I know they appreciate the things I do for them. But I wish I could be more for them. I think I've come a long way in getting past the old baggage I carried into my adult life, but there are still things I want to change, areas I want to grow in. I wish I could be quiet more. A better listener. Or maybe it's just better at letting them know I've heard them. Sometimes I speed so quickly into possible solutions that I think they don't think I've really even heard what they've said. There is no one on the planet I love more than my husband, my daughters, and my granddaughter and I just wish I could be everything they would ever want or need me to be.

5. To love freely. Sometimes I feel like I'm still too guarded with my heart. I catch myself sizing people up, deciding whether they're worth the risk. Will the relationship be too much work? Have they said hurtful things in the past so I don't want to take another chance? I want to be so secure in God's love for me, so aware that He's all I need, that I'm completely free to love in total abandon. I don't ever want to PRETEND to love someone. I never want to PRETEND to care. I want to love, and I want it to be real. Romans 12:9 Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.

So as this year comes to a close, I find myself in the familiar position of being face down at the feet of Jesus. Please help me, Lord. Help me to grow in 2008.