Perspective

I haven't blogged for a long, long time. Maybe because it's so easy to just write what I'm thinking on Facebook at any given time. Or maybe I just haven't had anything to say. (But seriously, when does that ever happen?) Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about perspective lately and just wanted to get some thoughts down in hopes that it would help me dig a little deeper, maybe even gain a little MORE perspective.

I don't know if it's because I'm in my fifties now, or if it's because of the things God has been doing in our lives over the past 2-3 years. Maybe both. But I find myself changing perspective. God revealed Himself to me in a really powerful way when I was 21 years old, and it really did change my life forever. Not that I quit making mistakes (sometimes big ones). Not that I had everything (or anything) figured out. I just knew that He loved me, and I knew He was my hope. It was something to hold on to that I had never had before. And it meant everything to me.

But I think I spent the next almost 30 years trying to figure out how to live in the reality of His presence at the same time I lived in the reality of this world. They never seemed to match up. And from everything I ever read in scripture, they aren't supposed to.

I think it was three years ago, I finally read through the ENTIRE Bible without skipping anything. (Okay... true confession... I may have "skimmed" some of Leviticus.) This was the very beginning of my love for the Old Testament. I had always thought God seemed so mean and vindictive in the Old Testament. But for the first time, as I read through story after story, I was completely captivated by the great love He had for His people. Over and over and over again, his message was, "Believe that I am your God. Put all your trust in Me. I will take care of you. There is nothing I won't do for you."

Yet over and over and over again, His people turned away from Him. The people He created and loved so deeply turned to the things of the world, to other gods, to their own selfish desires. (Things haven't really changed that much, have they?) Even when I began wanting to live my life for God, it really wasn't as much about living for Him as it was about wanting what God would give me. I loved God, but I was still very self-centered. The thing that excited me the most about God was what I was going to get out of it. The scriptures I loved to read over and over again were the ones that promised things I would get. And I don't think I paid much attention to what I was supposed to give: nothing short of everything.

So now I'm 51 years old and finally I feel my perspective is changing. I find that I care less and less and less about anything in this world. I don't care what car I drive. I don't care if I have a lot of money. I don't care about status. My heart's desire... the thing I really want... is to hear His voice. I want to know that I'm doing what He wants me to be doing. I want to know that I'm making an impact in the lives of others. I want my focus to be on the things that are important to Him. And I want them to become the things that are important to me.

And so the past couple of years, I've been drawn to the scriptures that simply speak of His power and His glory and how worthy He is to be served. I'm drawn to scripture that talks about laying our lives down for Him, giving it all, holding nothing back. I finally understand it's not about Him doing what I want. It's about me doing what He wants.

Finally. Finally. Even though I'm somewhat of an old woman now, I finally get it. My perspective has finally changed.

This life is not about me. It's about Him.