The Ugly Truth

I walked to work yesterday, and even walking briskly it was a 45 minute walk so I had some time to think. I was talking to God about the differences between who I am, who I try to be, and who He intends for me to be. I realize I'm a work in progress, but there are certain areas that I really would like to do better in and I get frustrated sometimes that I'm not farther along in those areas.

The biggest frustration I have with myself is my lack of ability to genuinely care about ALL people. I care about lots of people. And I would do anything in my power to help any of them. I consider myself to be a devoted friend, and it's not hard for me to put their needs before my own.

But why can't I be that way with everyone? The fact is, some people annoy me to no end and I just don't like being around them. Some people I find to be irritatingly needy, and some people just seem like too much work.

What an ugly truth to have to face. But yesterday I felt the need to face it so I had a talk with God. Will there ever be a time when I am so completely consumed by Your love that it will spill out to EVERYONE I see and know? Will there ever be a time when SELF doesn't step in and say, "Wait just a minute, I draw the line here." I think there is less SELF in me now than there used to be, but have I died to self? Nope. All too often I get into situations where it lets me know it's still alive and kicking.

Answers? I don't have any. Other than I may have to resign myself to the fact that this is going to be a life-long process. I know there have been people in my past that really annoyed me, only to find later that God gave me a real heart for them and I wound up loving them just as deeply as any of my other friends. I'm grateful for that, but it's not enough. I want to feel that way about everyone.

And so it comes down to this. I pray that God continues to develop the fruits of the Spirit in me. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. I believe if those things are fully developed in me, I will love ALL others without regard to myself. The joy He gives is unspeakable, and the peace is beyond understanding. And just like everything else in God's kingdom, the end result is the opposite of what you'd think. When I love all others without regard to myself, it will bring true peace and joy to my own heart.

Philippians 1:9-11
I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ's return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.