The Ugly Truth

I walked to work yesterday, and even walking briskly it was a 45 minute walk so I had some time to think. I was talking to God about the differences between who I am, who I try to be, and who He intends for me to be. I realize I'm a work in progress, but there are certain areas that I really would like to do better in and I get frustrated sometimes that I'm not farther along in those areas.

The biggest frustration I have with myself is my lack of ability to genuinely care about ALL people. I care about lots of people. And I would do anything in my power to help any of them. I consider myself to be a devoted friend, and it's not hard for me to put their needs before my own.

But why can't I be that way with everyone? The fact is, some people annoy me to no end and I just don't like being around them. Some people I find to be irritatingly needy, and some people just seem like too much work.

What an ugly truth to have to face. But yesterday I felt the need to face it so I had a talk with God. Will there ever be a time when I am so completely consumed by Your love that it will spill out to EVERYONE I see and know? Will there ever be a time when SELF doesn't step in and say, "Wait just a minute, I draw the line here." I think there is less SELF in me now than there used to be, but have I died to self? Nope. All too often I get into situations where it lets me know it's still alive and kicking.

Answers? I don't have any. Other than I may have to resign myself to the fact that this is going to be a life-long process. I know there have been people in my past that really annoyed me, only to find later that God gave me a real heart for them and I wound up loving them just as deeply as any of my other friends. I'm grateful for that, but it's not enough. I want to feel that way about everyone.

And so it comes down to this. I pray that God continues to develop the fruits of the Spirit in me. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. I believe if those things are fully developed in me, I will love ALL others without regard to myself. The joy He gives is unspeakable, and the peace is beyond understanding. And just like everything else in God's kingdom, the end result is the opposite of what you'd think. When I love all others without regard to myself, it will bring true peace and joy to my own heart.

Philippians 1:9-11
I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ's return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.

Just a thought...

I think there's a reason why the injustices in the world bother
us so much.

I think there's a reason why it bothers us to see the pain and the suffering.

I BELIEVE GOD HAS PLANTED WITHIN US A DEEP DESIRE FOR THINGS TO BE AS THEY SHOULD BE . . . . . . . .

and they will.

Just not here.

Happy Day!!

It's that time of year again... the time that the Hernandez family (our little part of it) bands together and makes the glorious vacation plans! Okay, in reality I usually make all the vacation plans, but the whole family bands together in excitement and anticipation!

We LOVE our vacation time! This year Leonard and I weren't sure we would be able to get away from work long enough to take a real vacation, so we tossed around the idea of just sending the girls somewhere. That idea was quickly dismissed when Jenelle told Leonard, "Rachel and I would rather vacation in Omaha with you and mom than go on a big vacation without you." We do so love our family vacation time. It's such a relaxing time, just getting out of town. The rule is: As soon as we leave Lincoln city limits, we leave all our cares behind!

Today I made our reservations to stay in a condo in Galveston, Texas and we instantly all entered into vacation mode! The anticipation is half the fun, and there will be much anticipating going on between now and the end of June!

More than the destinations, I treasure the time we have gotten to spend with our girls through the years. We have so many wonderful memories from each place we've gone. And no matter where we go, when we're vacationing we're all easy to please, because all that really matters to us is we're away, and we're together.

You gotta love vacation.

Wake up call

It's not uncommon for me to have one thought, then have that thought lead to another, which leads to another. It keeps going until soon I'm thinking about something so far removed from the original thought, no one can figure out how I even got there. It usually happens in just a matter of seconds, and it completely baffles Leonard. "How did you ever get there?" he will ask me. Yesterday it happened again, and while I won't bore you with the thought processes that got me there (we started out talking about soggy dog food) I do want to tell you where my mind landed.

I was thinking about the "non-recession" we are in right now and began to wonder what would happen if it gets worse. I'm generally a worst-case-scenario sort of person because if I can make peace with that, I can handle anything. Well, in this case my worst became "What if everything completely falls apart?" I'm talking everything. What if the recession, along with the threat of terrorism, global warming, and American's continuous need to live in excess suddenly causes everything to cave in? What if we no longer knew where our next meal was coming from and had to struggle to find food for ourselves and our children? What if we no longer had electricity, running water, and natural gas available to us? What if the majority of our time and our thoughts had to be devoted to basic survival? Certainly we would think the end of the world must be near. It would be disaster of catastrophic proportion . . . our lives as we know them ripped apart.

Then the thought hit me. There are people all over the world who already live like that. And the really sobering question . . .

Do I have two sets of standards?

Is the world getting worse?

I recently received an interesting article by Steve Gallagher, forwarded to me via e-mail. It's about a 2003 film called Time Changer. Here is what the article said:

The storyline occurs in 1890 and revolves around Bible professor Russell Carlisle, who is unwittingly transported by a time machine into modern-day America. For five days, he finds himself trapped in a wicked world to which you and I have become shamefully accustomed.

The article goes on to talk about how Carlisle was shocked and deeply troubled by the television and movies we watch as well as the high divorce rate, etc. of our times. It says at one point he was invited to a movie by Christian friends and ran out screaming at the employees, ""You have to stop this movie! That actor took the Lord's name in vain! He blasphemed God!" And of course, the whole point of the article is whether we modern-day Christians have grown cold.

The article asks:
• Why aren't we more outraged when we hear actors take the Lord's name in vain?
• How can we look upon scantily clad girls on television without blushing?
• Why do we permit TV to indoctrinate our children with the world's values?

Then goes on to say:
The Church is obviously backslidden. The greater question it provokes is: Could we be in the Great Apostasy and not be aware of it?

I guess the first thing I think when I read articles like this is that I'm not sure the world is any uglier now than it ever was. We certainly have more information at our fingertips and we hear about absolutely every atrocity that takes place in every part of the world. But.... have you read about some of the things that went on in the Old Testament? To some of those things I can surely say, "They would NEVER get away with that now." There are a lot of things that happened back then that sicken me when I read about them. The atrocities of man are nothing new.

Were they better in the 1890's? I suppose it's possible. Maybe mankind was ugly from the beginning, got better in the 1800's and then got worse again. OR, maybe everyone didn't hear about all the ugly stuff that went on. Maybe people just weren't as inclined to publicize it as they are now. People, even families, kept their little secrets. Now they are tried in court and thrown in jail and two minutes later, it's all over the internet.

I suppose it's true that we are not as shocked by all of this as they would have been in 1890, because we hear about these things all the time. But just because I'm not shocked, does not mean I'm not sad. And even though I'm sad, I'm glad I have a pretty broad understanding of the world.

I don't want to discount everything this article has said. I think there are good things to think about. I guess I just look at it from the opposite direction. I try to always keep my heart wide open to God. I want to know my heart belongs to Him and that His plan is the most important thing in my life. I want Him to teach me to care about what He cares about, and to do the things He wants done. I want to be full of Him, to abide in Him.

And as long as that's my heart's desire, I guess I just really don't have much concern over the effect the world will have on me.

In this world but not of it....

Sometimes its just really hard not to believe life is all about what's here in our little worlds. We live our lives day in and day out and we struggle through the trials and celebrate the victories. And sometimes it's hard to remember that this is just a very small part of something much, much bigger. Something much more important. Something long-lasting. Eternal.

I think during the victories it doesn't bother me so much to have too much focus on my own little world. But boy, when the trials come my heart, mind, and soul scream out for something else .... anything else ... to be more important than what may be happening at that point in time. Most of my biggest struggles have to do with work. I am in sales but am a distributor, which means I'm kind of a go-between. My clients need to buy something, I find the best source to get it done and handle all the information that goes on between them. But it often leaves me in the position of having limited control. If the source does not do the job right or on time, it's not their fault, it's mine.

This has been a week of fault. My fault. There is nothing I could have done to make things go right, short of flying out to the plant and doing it myself, but the buck stops with me and it's my fault. If the plant does the job wrong, it affects my client's confidence in me.

So when everything goes wrong it tends to really get me down. I suppose it has a lot to do with a deeply-seated issue of wanting people to be pleased with me. I want my clients to be able to have total confidence in me, and I want my bosses to be pleased with the job I'm doing. But sometimes. . . in spite of all my greatest efforts . . . it all just falls apart.

Those are the times that if it's all about this, I'm in trouble. Leonard and I pray every morning for God's guidance. We pray that he will give us creativity and help us to do the very best for our clients. We pray that our business will prosper and that our clients' businesses will prosper. We then leave it in His hands. Our trust is in Him.

So I guess that's why I'm putting this in print today. I need to profess to the world (and in writing so I can check back on it now and then) that my trust is in Him alone. I will do the best I can. I will keep the best motives I can. But my life belongs to God, and I trust Him. I trust Him to show me the things that will help me grow the most; I trust Him to use me to encourage and help others to grow; and most of all I trust Him to be near me through whatever this life brings my way.

And as long as He is near me, there is nothing else I really need.

A Grandma Moment

I never thought there would be anything in my life quite as amazing as when I gave birth to each of my girls. I couldn't believe that God blessed us with such beautiful little girls. I was amazed (and terrified) that they were really ours and that we were going to be responsible for them and get to pour our love out to them all at the same time. There was just nothing that could compare to being a mom.

I still feel that way, actually. Yet here is where my granddaughter, Ellie, enters the picture. She has opened up a whole new world to me! I get to pour all my love out and yet NOT be responsible for her upbringing. Could it get any better than this??? No wonder we all have such special relationships with our grandmas! Nothing but good can come from being at Grandma's house.

For some reason, Ellie is 19 months old now and is still not talking. We are not worried at all... she is a VERY bright little girl. Her mom speaks to her in English and her dad speaks to her in Spanish so I think she thinks it's just a free-for-all and we all get to make up our own languages! She understands both languages very well. She just hasn't found any need to start using them herself! (Why should she when she can get everything she wants just by pointing!) She does say a few things like "Mama, Papa, Night-Night" and a couple of Spanish words, but generally she sees no need for words.

So imagine the joy I felt when I held her little face in my hands and said, "Ellie, I love you" and she looked back into my eyes and said, "Ya yoo"

It doesn't get any better than this.

This is one of those times.

In the middle of all the busyness of life... the deadlines, the errands, the preparations... it's one of those times. I feel something deeper and more pressing. And it urges me to stop.

Stop? How can I stop? There's far too much to do. There are people depending on me. There are deadlines that have to be met. My mind wants to race forward and accomplish it all. But I can't. It's as if I'm unable to move past this place.

There's something deeper and more pressing.

Have you ever had those moments when the reality sets in? The times when you realize the most pressing things in our lives are the things that really don't matter at all? And meanwhile, the things that mean the most to us are getting pushed farther and farther into the background. The things that we live for, the things that are eternal.

The deadlines still have to be met, and I will meet them. But today my heart and soul is focused on the things that matter most to me. Family, friends, and the God who loves us so deeply. My heart is dwelling in a different place than where I am.

Or maybe where I am has taken on a whole new meaning.

The Sun is Shining! (FINALLY)

So, so many gloomy days.

But finally the sun has begun to shine and it's shaping up to be a great lead-in to a great weekend! I think tonight we are going out to Jerry's to work with the horses and tomorrow we're going to work with the horses AND have a campfire to roast marshmallows and hotdogs and, of course, make s'mores. It seems like just yesterday (and yet so long ago) I was just posting about the last campfire of the season. Now here we are with the first one of the year!!

I LOVE this time of year. Everything seems so new. Spring is the time that I appreciate the most all the seasons that we have. Not just the physical seasons, but even the seasons of our life. It's amazing sometimes to look back and see what we have been able to endure. And we can smile on the inside, knowing we're just a little tougher than we thought. Just when you think that times are as tough as they can be and they're never going to get any better, something extraordinarily amazing happens (enter spring) and you feel so relieved and refreshed, even exuberant... ready to take on life again!!

I don't think we'd ever get the opportunity to feel that kind of a high about the good if we never had the opportunity to experience the bad. Now, I think we can always see at least some benefit to the bad (winter) in our lives. If nothing else, it helps with the patient endurance thing. And it seems like God always sprinkles some little amazing-looking snowflakes into our trials to keep us going forward. But when it comes to winter, enough is enough.

So here's to spring... whether it be the sunshine, the green grass, and the flowers or whether it be the end of a trial and hope for the new day... it's all one and the same really.

God is really great with new beginnings.