Today is for Living

I know a young mother, Serenity, who battled cancer three years ago and won. AND she found out she was pregnant with her third child right before she found out about the cancer. I can't imagine the conflicting emotions she must have had during that time. And although there certainly had to be times she felt down, overall she came through it the best possible way . . . with a fresh, new insight and appreciation for life (and a beautiful, healthy baby boy!) She wrote a book sharing these insights, which she is still working on getting published. She also shares some of it through her blog.

Today in her blog I read what she wrote about her last check-up. Apparently, they found a spot on her bone that they need to do a biopsy on. They aren't expecting bad news, but Serenity still has to live through that stretch of uncertainty again until the results come back. My heart sunk when I read it. Not because I'm expecting bad news... I'm not. But because I feel bad their family has to again go through anything remotely like what they went through before. They're such a young family. Although I've only seen pictures of her boys, you can see the enthusiasm for life in their eyes. I've sworn off asking this question so many times, yet again I ask, "God, why???"

But then I read farther into Serenity's entry, and I see the hand of God at work. You see, Serenity has a gift for writing in which she can actually help people feel and experience the things that she is going through. I think this excerpt from her blog has forever changed the way I will look at life:

But since the bad news, in between the moments of despair, I feel intensely, deeply happy. It's like - I remember this feeling. The feeling that every single moment of every single day is an amazing gift. Plus, all the lessons I learned the first time? They won't leave me alone. It's like my children are screaming them as they run through the house blissfully unaware that cancer is anything to fear. The loudest one is this: No matter what they tell me that day about the biopsy, that news can't have today. No matter how difficult the recovery is, it doesn't have today either. Cancer doesn't have today. Whatever trouble is ahead, it doesn't have today, unless I let it.

I read it again. And again. And again.

How many things, so much less threatening than cancer, have I let rob me of my todays? How many worries have I let consume me? How many times have I missed the beauty, the wonder, the miracles of today because I was sad about yesterday or worried about tomorrow? And each time I do it, it's like I'm giving away a day in my life. A day I was meant to discover something, learn something, do something. A day of living with a grateful heart because regardless of what happens, God is near. From now on, I'm determined to live my todays. Not exist in them, but live them.

Because Whatever trouble is ahead, it doesn't have today, unless I let it.