She still seems so close....

We took Jenelle to Minnesota on Thursday and left on Friday without her. Nothing seemed right about that. In fact, I asked Leonard through a flood of tears, "If this is the right thing to do, then why does it feel so wrong?" I don't think there is anything that could have made me feel good about driving away from ANYWHERE knowing we were leaving our daughter behind.

But here we are yet again in a brand new situation. We have a daughter who lives in a different state. 6 1/2 LONG hours away. I have to admit it took me a couple of days to come to grips with it. But today was her first day of classes and we've talked to her on the phone a couple of times already. I can hear in her voice that she is having the time of her life. She has made lots of friends already, she has gotten through her first day of classes without a hitch, and she is thoroughly enjoying the whole campus atmosphere.

Hearing the enthusiasm in her voice and knowing that these are the life experiences that are going to cause more growth in her than ever before somehow makes it easier. She is moving on with her life. She has real goals and a real plan to reach them. She doesn't need me to take care of her anymore--she's totally capable of taking care of herself. She's not my baby girl anymore, but she is an amazing and talented woman whom I deeply admire.

That makes her seem much closer.

Where Life Makes Sense

Life is so full of worries. And yet we're not supposed to worry about them. Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. That's really good advice. It is very calming to stop and pray about everything and realize that you can leave it all in the capable hands of the God of the Universe. But sometimes it's just not very practical.

Jenelle is leaving for college on Thursday. I have been going around and around with the people in the school office trying to find out how much we're going to owe (to the tune of thousands of dollars, people). Here it is three days before we leave and I still don't know how much we're supposed to pay. Terri's son goes to the same college and she said they didn't let them know how much they owed until he had been there for two weeks, then the first payment was due 2 weeks later. Now, that may work fine for Donald Trump, but we kind of need to know what is going to be coming out of our paychecks. And even though this is a Christian college, when the time comes for that first payment I don't think they'll be very comforted by the fact that we've prayed about it and we're confident the God of the Universe will work it out.

These little quandaries pop up all the time. Pray about it, trust God, but in the meantime be sure something gets done about it. And you get enough of these things going on at one time... it can really throw you into a tailspin.

That's why I am so thankful for my comfy bed, because that, my dear friends, is where life makes sense... laying in my comfy bed, in my comfy room with Jack the chocolate lab cuddled up beside me. Oh, I know the day is coming. And I know it will have its challenges. But at those moments, as I lay there in the quiet, I just know God is in control. Those are the times I quit trying to figure everything out. Those are the times God finally gets me to be quiet enough that I can hear His voice. And those are the times I remember that even if nothing ever worked out right again, everything would be okay because I have Him near me, and that's all I need. It brings clarity, and preserves my sanity.

Quiet times with God are a necessity. I suspect in all those times when Jesus went off to be alone, He was heading for his comfy bed. You have to take time to stop the craziness. To let life be simple again. To connect with God and the things that really matter. To relax and enjoy His company.

Pray about everything. Don't worry about anything. TRUST.

It all seems so possible from my comfy bed.

New Year's Resolutions

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. Actually, it's more like I don't believe in SAYING I believe in New Year's Resolutions . . . and it's usually right before I make one.

In reality, this time of year I tend to become extremely reflective. I think about the past year and everything that's happened, good and bad. I mean . . . I KNOW there were some bad things. But it seems like when it gets to the end of the year, I can only remember the good. A new son-in-law, a new grandson, a new college destination, a trip to Galveston, even the girls' new apartment I lamented about last February turned out to be a wonderful adventure. We had a good year. But this is where I shift effortlessly from reflecting to envisioning.

I have so many hopes for the new year! Of course, I'm a dreamer by nature. I can imagine so many amazing things happening to Jenelle while she's away at school. I can picture the joy and laughter in Rachel and Aaron's home as the kids begin to grow and continue to develop those little personalities. And I know this year's vacation will not disappoint! (See past blogs attesting to how much our family LOVES vacation!) Although we won't be able to go far (college expenses compounded with wedding expenses) we will go where we can and we'll love it. And I'm dreaming even now about what fun we'll have on the journey as well as the destination.

Of course, there are things I want to change. Areas I hope Leonard and I can grow in. But I don't think those are my New Year's Resolutions. This year, my resolution is simply to live life more slowly.



Enjoy the moment.




Breathe in contentment and slowly exhale a deep appreciation for life as it is today. Right here and right now. Don't miss a moment. And don't ever be ungrateful.



Life has its ups and downs. But what a life we've been given. As I look back at the relationships we've gained through the years, I realize that we are the people we are today because of the impact our friends and family have had on us. We are so incredibly blessed by the relationships we've been given.

And this next year -- the year 2009 --

This is the year we bask in it.

And me without a Plan B

After reading Serenity's post from yesterday, I was absolutely inspired. I determined in my heart that we would go directly home and take family pictures for Christmas! I had been kind of dragging my feet about it since our immediate family (those living under our roof at this time) consisted of Leonard, me, and the boys. Not the cute little expressive boys you can see in Serenity's pictures, but ....yes.... our dogs.

Now, since I've been staying at Rachel's the past week to help with the baby, we can suffice it to say the boys were EXTREMELY excited to see us when we got home. I immediately called my mom to come over and take pictures, beings how they were in such a good mood and all. Then came the pose. We could get them to sit nicely, but as soon as we would sit down by them they immediately would roll to their backs for a belly rub:

So we thought the best bet would be to keep them on their feet... but Kairo, being the big boy he is, can reach a long, long ways to get what he felt was some much needed attention.

Treats! Treats may work. If only mom had the camera on the other side of the room and could hold the treats at the same time.

Can you see the hopeful look on my face as if I believe we can somehow hold them down and convince them to turn their faces toward the camera for a beautiful candid shot?

And if you can believe it, Mom actually said of the following picture, "This one really isn't too bad!" Really, Mom? Aside from the fact that you can't even see Leonard's face, Kairo is hogging the whole shot, Jack just wants his belly rubbed, and I look like if we try even one more picture I may just burst into tears or have some sort of serious breakdown?

So, all that to say, there won't be any cute little pictures with our boys . . . but we still offer the very warmest of Holiday Wishes to all of you! Have a BLESSED CHRISTMAS and NEW YEAR! From Leonard, Tracy, and the boys!

The Shack

I just finished reading the book The Shack by William P. Young.

There are so few books I've read that have had this kind of impact on me that I just had to blog about it.

I was warned by a lot of people before I started reading this that there were a lot of things that may challenge my theology or that I may just flat-out disagree with. However, I found that the challenges were relatively few and I was actually quite intrigued/excited by many of the ideas Young presented.

Here is the description of the book as found on Christianbook.com:

"Mack" Philips took his three children on a family camping trip while his wife visited her sister. Just as they were about to leave the campsite, the two older kids decided to take a last canoe ride before heading home. As their canoe overturned, and Mack went to help them, his back was turned and the unspeakable happened. Mack's youngest daughter, Missy, was abducted by a known child predator. After a massive search, evidence of Missy showed up at an abandoned cabin. Although they never found her body, everyone knew the worst had happened. For the next four years "a great sadness" fell over Mack and his family, until a note from God showed up in his mailbox. What happens next will move you to a greater understanding of God's unfailing love for us all.

Now, without giving too much away, Mack did go back to the Shack and had the encounter of his life with The Father (Papa), Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I absolutely love the way they were portrayed... so genuine, so loving, so completely UN-religious. I can see where these portrayals might be hard for some to get past at first (God was actually a woman) but for me, a fan of Joan of Arcadia, it was easy to imagine God in all forms.

The really amazing thing for me was that, although it doesn't supply you with a lot of answers, by the time you close the back cover you are left with the feeling that everything is okay. No matter how good, how bad, how disappointing and even tragic things can become... God is aware and He cares deeply. What I am left with is a deepened sense that I just want to live my life near God. I want to be more aware than I have been in the past that He is paying close attention to all that goes on, and that He will be sure everything is used for His purposes regardless of how impossible it may seem. This book brought something to life deep inside of my heart that is hard to even put in words. Somehow, it introduced me to the God I always hoped was real... the God of infinite patience (not just tolerance), the God who loves in a deeply personal way (not just a blanket love that covers all humanity), the God who laughs and jokes (no condescending looks of "Don't you have something more important to think about?"), and most importantly, the God who makes sense of a world that makes no sense.

If you haven't had the chance to pick this up yet, I highly recommend it. No matter where you're at in your walk with God, I think when you finish reading this everything will seem just a little more real.

Prosperity

Last Wednesday night in Small Group, we discussed prosperity. It seems, in America anyway, when hearing the word prosperity most people's minds go directly to money and possessions. Even if you know better, often a mind can involuntarily go there before you rein it in and focus on the things you know truly make you prosperous.

Now let me just say I'm all for having money. I see no need to take a vow of poverty (although at some points in life it would appear I fully supported it.) Financial struggles are trying to say the least. I've never felt the need to have more than enough, but enough is really nice. That being said, I also know God has used some of the most trying times of my life to teach me and build me in the areas I needed it the most. While I don't prefer it, I can see the benefit that has come in not always having things be easy.

I really enjoyed the things I heard on Wednesday night, and thought I would share a couple of high points. One came from a young mother who is pregnant with her second child. Their family is going through the biggest financial struggle of their lives, but as you listened to her talk you found that she considers it instead to be the most precious time of her life. She and her husband both spoke of learning about faith in God, and the value of relationships both with him and within their family. Although they are as poor (monetarily) as they have ever been, they have never felt richer. And the truth of the matter is, they ARE rich. It all sounds so cliche, but if you could have the joy of hearing them speak, you would know they truly KNOW where their treasure is. They considered themselves to be prosperous, and they were visibly grateful.

Another man spoke of the struggles he has been through and his realization that he needed to stop everything else and really focus in on his relationship with God. He had forgotten that God would take care of all the details of life if he first focused on Him. He had such a desire to throw himself back into that relationship. And although there were times in his life where he really believed prosperity was achieving status and money, he was at a place where he realized his prosperity... the only prosperity he wanted... would come in his relationship with God.

Prosperity is so much bigger than money and stuff. I'm not saying we will ever quit wanting stuff. And I'm not even saying it's wrong to want stuff. I'm just saying perspective is everything. Want the stuff. Buy the stuff. But be aware it will never make you prosperous. True prosperity comes in your relationship with God, your relationships with family and friends, and the love in your heart that enables you to give the best of yourself freely to others.

My prayer this Christmas season is for all of us to experience a prosperity that surpasses anything we've even come close to approaching in the past.

And then to pass it on.

It's a Boy!

You may remember many months ago when I mentioned my daughter was pregnant with our first grandson! (Searching for names...sound familiar?) Well, we went into the hospital at 4:30 a.m. on Sunday, December 7th and he was born at 11:33 a.m. 6 lbs, 8 oz and 19 1/2 inches long! The Name?

EZEKIEL MARTIN RAMIREZ.... as you can see, Ellie found the whole thing to be utterly exhausting!


We have a proud mommy....


and a proud daddy.....

and I can tell you all the rest of us are right in there with them! What a wonderful blessing for this Christmas season!

After the first day, we took Ellie home for a nap. Then, when it was time to go back to the hospital, I asked her, "Shall we go see Baby Ezekiel?" She proceeded to lay down in my arms and reply, "Baby Ellie." We were a little concerned at that point just how excited she was going to be to take this little boy home, but since then she has helped the nurse bathe him, she has fed him, and she has sung him the lullaby I wrote for her when she was born.

I think we're all in agreement now... he's definitely a keeper!