And yet I ramble....

I am in that place again. I feel like I have something really deep and meaningful going on inside of me. I feel like I have something to say. And yet, I don't know what it is. A wise person would stay silent. If you don't have anything to say, stop talking. That's a good rule of thumb. But I'm not wise....at least not in this area. I start talking, and I don't stop until I figure out what it is on the inside that's trying to get out. So settle back. This could be a long post.

I think it started with our new small group topic. We decided to do Crazy Love by Frances Chan. We haven't gotten very far into it, but I'm intrigued and excited at the thought of going much deeper into my relationship with God than I ever have in the past. The deep realization that there are so many facets to God.... His personality, His love, His glory...so many facets that we could see something new about him every single day for the rest of our lives and still never scratch the surface. He is the ultimate source of creativity. The things that He can show us about Himself are never-ending. That is exciting.

When I think about it, I really do get excited. And yet, there is something churning around deep inside of me that makes me feel....discouraged. What is up with that? I don't know where it is coming from. Granted, every area of my life is in transition right now. Major transition. Our church, our business, our family. All of it. But I really don't feel overly anxious about it. I feel like I trust God. And I have every confidence He will teach us things we desperately need to know through all of it.

And yet I feel discouraged...maybe a little sad. Or maybe just unknowingly missing the days when I had somewhat of a grasp on where at least one area of my life was going. I really don't know what this is. But it's leading me straight to the feet of God. It's causing me to cry out to Him from the depths of my heart. And it's been my experience that whenever I come to that place, He comes through in amazing ways. I know Him more. I love Him more. I see a little more of Him than I saw before. This feeling of desperation in the innermost parts of my being almost always results in God's presence meeting me in some profound way.

And now that I think about it, isn't that what I was longing for at the beginning of this post? Uncomfortable or not, He has me right where I need to be.