Why do we assume the worst?

My husband and I were talking last night about how it says in the Bible we will all stand before God and give an account of our lives. Did you just feel your heart sink? It's amazing to me that our first inclination is usually to think the worst. Do we picture ourselves standing before God as he gives us example after example of how we fell short or failed? Do we expect him to focus on all the footage that shows each moment we watched tv instead of reading our Bible? Often times, that's how we are treated in the workplace, or in life for that matter. Constantly being reminded of how we fall short, how much we need to improve. So naturally, that must be how God is going to judge us, right?

I got a much different picture of it this morning.

As I was sitting on the picnic table in the back yard, I pictured myself sitting with God. It wasn't actually in heaven...it was right there at the picnic table, sort of a "mid-term" review. As he talked to me, my heart just warmed. He reminded me of good things I had done for people and said, "Remember when you did that? You did that for me." He showed me kindnesses I had shown others that touched his heart. And he showed me times when I put aside what I wanted to help someone else. I really got a sense for how much all that meant to him, and I was bursting with joy at having pleased him.

Oh, there were areas I could improve in. But the way he showed them to me was so encouraging. It was like, "And life can get even better!" By the time we were done I was ready to LEAP off that picnic table and find more ways to show his love. It was an incredible encounter.

I don't know why for all these years I have dreaded "the account". Sure, there will be lots of ways I fall short. But he already knows that. He knows I'm human. He knows how much I need him. But like any parent, I think he'll be overjoyed with the ways we tried to please him, the times we tried to reach out toward him, and the times we showed his love to others.

Is it so hard to believe he'll be proud of us?

And yet I ramble....

I am in that place again. I feel like I have something really deep and meaningful going on inside of me. I feel like I have something to say. And yet, I don't know what it is. A wise person would stay silent. If you don't have anything to say, stop talking. That's a good rule of thumb. But I'm not wise....at least not in this area. I start talking, and I don't stop until I figure out what it is on the inside that's trying to get out. So settle back. This could be a long post.

I think it started with our new small group topic. We decided to do Crazy Love by Frances Chan. We haven't gotten very far into it, but I'm intrigued and excited at the thought of going much deeper into my relationship with God than I ever have in the past. The deep realization that there are so many facets to God.... His personality, His love, His glory...so many facets that we could see something new about him every single day for the rest of our lives and still never scratch the surface. He is the ultimate source of creativity. The things that He can show us about Himself are never-ending. That is exciting.

When I think about it, I really do get excited. And yet, there is something churning around deep inside of me that makes me feel....discouraged. What is up with that? I don't know where it is coming from. Granted, every area of my life is in transition right now. Major transition. Our church, our business, our family. All of it. But I really don't feel overly anxious about it. I feel like I trust God. And I have every confidence He will teach us things we desperately need to know through all of it.

And yet I feel discouraged...maybe a little sad. Or maybe just unknowingly missing the days when I had somewhat of a grasp on where at least one area of my life was going. I really don't know what this is. But it's leading me straight to the feet of God. It's causing me to cry out to Him from the depths of my heart. And it's been my experience that whenever I come to that place, He comes through in amazing ways. I know Him more. I love Him more. I see a little more of Him than I saw before. This feeling of desperation in the innermost parts of my being almost always results in God's presence meeting me in some profound way.

And now that I think about it, isn't that what I was longing for at the beginning of this post? Uncomfortable or not, He has me right where I need to be.

Worry

I recently read something that said if we worry, we are in effect saying that our particular situation is more important than God's command to be joyful in all things. I've been thinking about it ever since.

Do you wonder why God told us to be joyful in all things? It would almost seem that He couldn't have possibly been serious about that one. There are so many things that can hit us from so many different directions. At any given time, most of us have a whole list we could choose from of things to worry about. And yet, we are to trust God, and let go of the worry...???

If we're honest, part of the problem we have with trusting God is that He may not handle our situation the way we want it handled. Oh, we know. We've all had those times where God did things TOTALLY different than we wanted him to. We want to be able to trust God to do what we want Him to do. We're not that interested in Him doing what He thinks is best. Dear God, how smart do we think we are???? Somewhere deep inside of us, we actually believe we should hang onto it so it gets handled the way we know it should. We think we know what would be best for us. And somewhere inside, we're not totally convinced God cares what is best for us.

Through blogland, I met a girl named  Rhonda who really says some great things about keeping your joy, and what it is about our troubles that we can be grateful for. You should definitely check it out. I've been pondering those things, too. In fact, I'm totally intrigued by this whole topic. And I think I'm in the process of completely redefining what it means to me to trust God.

God is interested in what's inside of me. He's interested in my growth, my maturity. He's interested in helping me learn to love genuinely, serve selflessly, and most importantly to be a light that shines toward Him. Those things are what's important. But many of us have bought into a lie. The lie that our comfort in this world is what's most important. That if God really cared, and if He really wanted us to trust Him, he would help us avoid suffering, achieve our personal dreams, have financial independence....the list goes on and on. We still think this world is what's important.

None of those things are bad in and of themselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with achieving your dreams or having financial security. And we certainly don't need to be going out looking for some way to suffer. The problem comes when we value those things over the things that God values. We should love every trial that helps us see and know God better. We should rejoice when things have played out God's way instead of ours. If we have achieved a dream or financial security... we should be willing to lay it down in a heartbeat for any opportunity to learn to love more, serve more, be more of a hope to those who desperately need an encounter with Jesus.

So in trusting God, my quest becomes this: To lay it down. Not just the problem, but every thought I have of how the solution should play out. I want to offer God a clean slate, not some multiple choice options of how I'd like it handled. He knows what's important. And He's promised to work all things for good. What HE knows is good...not what I think I've figured out to be good. Trust is not just trusting Him with the problem. It's believing that whatever He decides to do with it is by far the best possible thing that could be done, and jumping on board with His plan no matter where it leads me.

God, help me trust you.

Aquila and Priscilla

Quite a long time ago, I felt that God laid something on my heart. When I was reading and praying, I felt that He said he wanted Leonard and I to model our lives after Aquila and Priscilla.

It turns out there isn't a whole lot of information about Aquila and Priscilla in the Bible. But what there is seems right down our alley. We've read all the scriptures that have to do with them, and we've read a lot of commentaries, and so far what we've found is we love doing the things they did.

We LOVE welcoming people into our home. We love sharing our love for God with them and freely offering any encouragement/knowledge that we may have. We love doing everything as a team (it seems most everything we do, we do it together). And more than anything else, we want to focus our lives on doing the work of the Kingdom. One commentary said Aquila and Priscilla made money making tents so they could do the Lord's work.  And I would be willing to bet that even during work hours, they were doing all they could to help others see the truth about God.

Another commentary we read quoted a man as saying, "There are two kinds of people. The kind who do the work, and the kind who take credit for it. Strive to be the first kind...there's a lot less competition there." That's the kind of people Aquila and Priscilla were. They were happy to be doing the Lord's work, and didn't care about titles, or receiving credit. They knew that it was everyone's job to minister to others, and they just did it. What a great thing to strive for.

I'm excited about our future. I'm excited to see what God has for us to do. I just pray that we hear His voice and have the courage and the vision to see it through.