Revelation

The past few days have been filled with a series of personal revelations. Sunday was exceptional. We had a guest speaker at church and what he said pierced my heart right to the center. He was talking about people who were created to love and to have joy. Now obviously, we're all supposed to have love and joy... but he was talking about a specific gifting in this area. And he talked about how sad it is when someone loses it.

I felt like he was talking straight to me.

It's not that I walk around depressed or anything. But I know the difference. I know the difference in the way I am now as opposed to the time when I saw hope in every situation and always had encouragement to offer. Not out of obligation... but because I really believed good things were ahead. Then over the course of time different things happened that just made me feel like I needed to sit down. My whole Christian life I'd been jumping around cheering the world on. It was time to sit down.

I have still maintained great faith in God. And my love for him still runs deep. That's probably the only reason I was able to hear what He was saying to me. It's time to stand up. It's time to let my faith in Him shine again. It's time to remember the limitless possibilities of living life with God. And over the weekend I renewed my promise to God to live my life wholly for Him.

Then today it hit... financial problems, relational problems, work problems... I was drowning in problems. Doesn't it seem like this happens every time you renew a vow to God? I've heard people say the devil attacks you whenever you start to be a threat to him, but I don't think that was the case this time. I pulled up to a client's parking lot and asked God how I was supposed to go in there with a smile on my face. And then came the greatest revelation of them all. As one thing after another hit me today, I started to lose my joy. And as I sat in that parking lot, I heard God ask me, "So are you in, or aren't you?" And it all came spilling out... This Is Life. There will continue to be hardships, some big and some small, sometimes spread out and sometimes all at once. But either I'm in or I'm out. No ceilings where I say I trust you unless it gets this bad. Either I believe He is the King of Kings and I wholly give my life to Him, or I don't. When one thing after another hits me, will I still trust that He knows what He's doing? If I really trust Him, then I trust Him with everything. Everything.

And Lord, in answer to your question..... I'm in.