Count the Cost

There are lots of things all around us that are true. Good things and bad things, positive and negative. While I think it's good to be aware of both (nothing good comes from pretending the bad isn't happening) I think it's extremely important that we know the difference between being "aware of" and "focusing on".

Leonard and I first began talking about this as it relates to young couples. If there is one thing that stands head and shoulders above the rest as something they NEED to know to have a happy marriage, this would be it. There are good things and bad things about you, and there are good things and bad things about your spouse. It's okay to be aware of that. But whichever you choose to focus on will shape your entire married life.

So many times people talk about falling in and out of love as if it's something that just happens. I would like to suggest that it does NOT just happen. In fact, I believe the majority of the time it starts with what you allow yourself to focus on. Maybe you start out noticing just a couple of things that irritate you, but then it snowballs from there. The next thing you know, you're often thinking about the things that irritate you and rarely thinking about the things you love, and you no longer feel "in love" . . . just annoyed.

The mind is a powerful thing, and before you allow it to go this route, I would suggest you count the cost. You may very well be robbing yourself of your happily-ever-after.

There is a logical course of events:

1) You choose what you focus on

2) Your emotions begin to shift to support that focus

3) Your actions soon follow

It's simple. If you focus on the negative, you will begin to feel negatively toward your spouse. If you focus on the positive, you'll feel positively toward them. It's a choice. It may not seem this simple, but it really is... you can choose to have a happy marriage or a miserable one. And a surprising number of people choose to be miserable, just by choosing to dwell on the negative. The positive still exists... they just don't look at it. Suddenly it's not enough to have positive and negative. They will not be happy until ALL the negatives become positive, too. And do I even need to mention that will never happen?

Now, although this is certainly true of marriage, it's also true in every other area of our lives. What we allow ourselves to FOCUS on will affect our emotions which will affect our actions. I saw a plaque at a friend's house last week that said, "Happiness is wanting what you have." I LOVE that! We all have wish lists... things we would get if we could. But it's a matter of focus. If you focus on what you don't have, you'll eventually start feeling bad that you don't have it. But you have a choice! You can acknowledge that you don't have it, even that you would like to have it some day, but then FOCUS on what you do have and live with a grateful heart. I'd be willing to bet you'll feel a whole lot better.

We are not helpless victims of our emotions. We don't have to try to just roll with wherever they take us. And if you feel like your emotions control you, it's time to rise up and take that control back. Your mind is a powerful thing. Choose where you let it dwell. Choose what you focus on.

It's never too late to have a "happily-ever-after".

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise....then the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9