It's all that matters...

Sometimes I feel the pressure more than others.
Deadlines, commitments, goals, five-year-plans.
Finances, obligations, responsibility.
It all meshes together, in part defining who I am.
How do I handle these things?
Showing integrity without being consumed.
Being what I need to be without making it who I am.
It all matters.
In one way or another, it matters.
But some of it only in the broadest sense.
Help me keep perspective.
Help me remember the one thing that matters more than anything else.
That in all these things,
    no matter how big or how small,
    no matter how worldly or how spiritual,
    help me to remember....

All that really matters to me
    is that my life glorifies You.

I've made the decision in advance

Have you ever been going merrily along in your life when all of a sudden WHAM! something blindsides you? Suddenly everything inside of you sinks, you feel lost, alone, maybe afraid,  and all you can think is, "What am I going to do?"

I've been there. In fact, something tried to blindside me yesterday. I say "tried" because it was only partially successful. You see, I've learned something in all these years of life I've lived. We can decide ahead of time that we are just going to trust God to walk us through every obstacle we face.

I'll admit, it knocked the wind out of my sail for a couple of hours. In my mind I was thinking, "God, what are we going to do...help us know what to do." But then I remembered that I already knew exactly what to do. I would trust Him. I would trust Him that at the right moment, in the right time He would show us the steps to take. And I remembered that no matter what happens, He is always near us and we have nothing to fear.

I know that's not quite the same as deciding ahead of time to trust in Him, but I'm getting closer and closer to having that be a reality in my life. And once I know....once I really know ahead of time that my trust is in Him no matter what... the blind-siding loses its power over me.

And we get to go on with life knowing that no matter what, everything will be okay in the end. God is with us. He isn't going anywhere. And that's all we need.

The Post I've Been Waiting For....

This is the post I've been waiting for. For NINE LONG MONTHS. Nine months of praying, hoping, crying, believing, growing.....

and HE'S BACK!!

My son-in-law, Aaron, finally returned to us on Friday night! It was quite an amazing reunion at the airport.

Can't you just see the enthusiasm in Scarlett's face? I think she was ready to go to sleep. But look how Ellie is clinging to her daddy. She was so excited! And she and Ezekiel held hands all the way through the airport.

We had a welcome home party Saturday night at the church and it was GLORIOUS! We thanked God, we thanked the people who have stood with us through all of this, and we CELEBRATED!

Someday I'll share all the wonderful things God taught us all through this trial. But right now I'm going to just bask in the happiness of knowing the trial is behind us.

My family is together again. 

A lot has happened.....

I have never had a problem expressing myself with the written word......

Until the last few months.

A lot has been going on, both outwardly and inwardly. Usually when I am having intense feelings I immediately start writing, but this year has been different. I've been doing a lot of thinking, often lamenting. In many areas I've been adjusting my thinking. But I haven't done much writing, because for some reason that I can't begin to understand (because it's so totally not like me) it all feels stuck on the inside.

This has been a year when the tragedy of death seemed like it was going to incapacitate us, only to be followed by the elation of one wonderful birth after another. It's been a year of cancer, separation of family, pain, struggling. And at the very same time that a family was grieving so deeply over the death of their young daughter/wife/mother who collapsed on her treadmill only to die a few days later, we got the very best news we could possibly hope to get. Our family would soon be reunited.

We were celebrating our greatest joy....something we had been eagerly waiting months to hear.... at the very same time they were grieving the biggest loss they had ever had. And I think that's when it really hit me. This world will never make sense. We will continue taking turns celebrating and mourning and celebrating again. Terrible, terrible things will happen. But really wonderful things will happen, too. Over and over and over again. People in one part of the world are struggling with how to find something to feed their children so they don't die of starvation. Others are struggling with how to fit a flat-screen tv into their budget. It doesn't make sense.

And I find myself in unfamiliar territory. I don't know what to say. I feel this strong urge to live for something more meaningful. Leonard and I continue to feel it's getting harder and harder to live our comfortable little lives knowing there are so many people out there who are really suffering. I feel like there is some sort of awakening going on in the inside of me, and yet I don't know what I'm waking up to.

I like being able to end my writing with the point. The reason I wrote it.

But I don't know what to say.

My Hope is in You, Lord

We used to sing a song that went like this:

My life is in you, Lord
My strength is in you, Lord
My hope is in you, Lord
In you, it's in you.

I loved that song. I still do, actually. It's a wonderful reminder of how absolutely everything is wrapped up in Him.

Today I was thinking about this verse:

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. At first I thought I could really relate to that. I've had some pretty high hopes lately that I felt were quite "deferred". But it led to the question....What had I put my hope in? If my hope is really in Him, is it possible for it to be deferred?

No doubt, there are things in this life we would like to see happen. Circumstances we'd like to see changed. Things that would make our lives so much easier. But we can never allow our hope to be in that circumstance. Our hope must remain in Him.

Can we believe that no matter what we see, He is in control and He knows exactly the right thing to do? Can we really believe that? Can we believe that if our hope is in Him, our dreams will be fulfilled beyond our wildest imaginations?  Hope is a crucial part of our lives. It leads directly to that tree of life that is promised for dreams fulfilled. There is great anticipation and excitement that comes with hope.

And if we keep our hope in Him....our hope will never be deferred.

Name Dropping

It seems a little odd to me to be blogging today. It just seems I haven't had much to say lately. I've been in a season of listening and absorbing more than of sharing. But this morning I had a thought, and I wanted to put it out here.

It's fun to have "important" people notice us. Universally, the most important people are thought to be those with fame, power, or money. For instance, Denzel Washington is one of my favorite actors. If he were to stop by my house, give me a call, or even drop me a Christmas card this year, I guarantee you EVERYONE would hear about it. How cool would it be to be able to tell everyone Denzel and I were friends??!!!

It was at this point that I realized....we really don't understand how important God is. Maybe it's because we can't see Him or maybe it's because we sometimes feel like we have trouble hearing from Him. I don't know for sure why. But He is THE KING. He is the most powerful being that exists. He holds every answer to every question in the universe. And He owns ALL of it.

There is no one ANYWHERE more famous than He. And yet, for some reason it doesn't necessarily seem as big of a deal to us that we know Him personally. Most of us, if we're honest, would admit we might just get more excited if we met a movie star.

Why is it I don't go from person to person saying, "You know what?? GOD spoke to me today!!"  "You'll never believe who I met PERSONALLY!!! Jesus!"

Would it mean more to me if Brad Pitt said to me, "If there is anything, EVER, that you need...please let me know. I will take care of it."  Would that actually be more comforting than God's promise that HE will take care of everything I need?

What is real? What do we believe? Who do we trust? What do we value? The whole world is trying to blind us...to deceive us. God's place is not, and never will be, on the back burner. His is the most important relationship we will ever, ever have.

Illegal Immigration and the Titanic

Last night as I was thinking about Illegal Immigration, it occurred to me,  I think everyone is against Illegal Immigration. The difference is in what people want to do about it...do we make it easier for them to get here legally or do we keep them out? I think even the Illegal Immigrants are against Illegal Immigration. Having to sneak over here and hide, always fearing the day they get caught...it's certainly not an ideal way to live. But what are their options?  After experiencing the poverty, corruption and danger in Mexico for a significant amount of time, I think I would find sneaking over here the lesser of two evils as well.

The go-to argument seems to be, "Well, they should wait their turn and come over legally." But do people realize the wait is often 20-25 years if you're coming from Mexico, if they are approved at all? If I were living in Mexico with no way to provide for my children and the wait was 25 years...I would equate that with an eternity. These people just want a chance at a better life. Should we deny them that chance just because it may threaten our comfortable lifestyles?

A few nights ago I was watching the Titanic. Remember the end, where they helped all the rich people get on rafts and left all the poor people die? That was sad, but it wasn't the scene that really got to me.

It was the scene of the handful of rich people in the raft with plenty of room for more. They sat in the distance, safe in their raft, and watched as people were screaming and dying in the water. One person said there was no way to save them all and if they went back they would be pulled over by the multitude and they would all die. That was certainly a legitimate concern.

But if the alternative was sitting back to watch them all suffer and die just to save myself....

I think I'd rather go down with the rest of them.