The Dream

Yesterday when I was at home sick, I had a dream about Dan (our pastor who died last month). I'm not good with analyzing dreams, but I can tell you that even with all that has been weighing on me lately, I woke up very encouraged.

It all started in a gymnasium. Dan was working with some people on some type of drama and he had a woman from our church helping him, as she needed it for some school credits. There was a younger man who had been told earlier he could help with it because he also needed credits, so I went to Dan and told him I thought he should let the young man help. Dan explained to me why he wasn't doing it that way and I was fine with his decision, even though I didn't necessarily agree. The next thing I knew I was sitting in the bleachers talking to another guy in our church.

I told him, "It's so easy to have great faith when God speaks to you. Then you just have to trust him enough to do whatever He's said. It's so much harder when He's silent and you have no idea what He wants you to do." Then I went on to say about someone else in our church (that I don't even think this about!): "He thinks he knows so much about God. Well, of course he does... it was HANDED to him. The elders of our church taught us well."

The next thing I knew I was walking down a corridor with Dan. We were talking about the drama, when he said, "You know, I heard you say something in the bleachers that I took as quite a compliment." I said, "What was that?"

"When you said, 'Of course he does, it was handed to him.' "

I said, "Well, it's true. You and the elders have taught us so much about God and about how to live our lives."  Then I began to cry and I said, "But it's so hard now that you're gone. I don't always know what to do." And right then, Dan disappeared. I was really upset. I wished I hadn't said anything about him being gone so he could still be there for me to talk to. I cried, "I don't know what to do."

Then I heard Dan's voice say, "It's been handed to you."

And right then, I woke up.

This dream felt so real to me, and I knew it was true. Through everything we've learned from Dan and the other elders, through the encouraging words we've gotten from our friends, and from the encouragement we've gotten directly from God... we DO know what to do. It has been handed to us.

I don't know why it's so hard not to give the world more input than it should have. The ways of the world are not God's ways. This dream was a good reminder to me to put my hope in what I've heard from God and from His people. And even more, it reminded me that what Dan instilled in us for 20+ years lives on.

The Unknown

My husband and I work together and we love it. A lot of people have asked if it has caused stress in our marriage.... one woman said she couldn't even paint a room with her husband without getting in a fight!!! Fortunately, that's not the case for us. We run our office together, with my daughter occasionally coming in to help, and we really love being able to be together.

Recently, however, we found out that our situation may be changing. We are going to begin the process of being on straight commission. Now, this could go really, really well for us...or everything could fall apart around us. (During a recession is not the most comfortable time to rely on commissions for your livelihood.) There is a good possibility it could all go very well. However, that's not what I find myself thinking about. I find myself thinking about what could go wrong.

This isn't totally out-of-character for me. I seem to always want to be prepared for the worst. I want to have a game plan already in place, never to be caught off guard. On the other hand, God tends to want to break me of this need for control. Or should I say the "feeling" of control...as we all know the control we think we have is merely an illusion.

As I was sharing this situation with a good friend, she told me something she had read about eagles. When eagles teach their young to fly, they pick them up, take them high into the air, and just drop them. The tiny eagle flails around, probably thinking, "What the heck, Mom??!!! I'm falling!! Hello??? I'm FALLING!" But before the young eagle hits the ground, the mother swoops him up and tries it again.

Eventually, the fear must subside a bit and the young eagle starts trying to fly. And if you've ever seen an eagle AFTER he's learned to fly... there is nothing that looks more beautiful, more natural, more freeing.

I believe there is a reason God is taking us down this path. We are not sure where the path will take us, but we know we want to live our lives serving Him in the best way we possibly can. No matter what lies ahead, our trust will be in Him.
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.               Isaiah 40:31

That's where we're headed. But we need to stop resisting the process of learning. We just need to trust Him as he teaches us to fly.

The Well-Lit Path

I'm back. After taking quite a break from blogging to do a lot of soul-searching, I'm back.

The past couple of weeks, I feel that God has been leading me to a place of deeper trust. It's easy to trust that God is in control when everything is going as you think it should. Or even as you think HE would think it should. But when things happen that make no sense... when you can't understand how it could possibly fit into His plans... when you especially can't see how He could even be okay with it... that's when it's easy to feel like your faith is shaken.

It's all subject to change (my thoughts are evolving) but for now, these are some of the things I've been thinking about:

1. God is in control even when the world seems out of control. He won't leave us. He won't let go of us. He'll continue to give us peace in the times when peace seems like an impossibility. And he will always, always, always bring good out of the situation, no matter how badly it begins. When His hand touches it, everything becomes possible.

2. For as long as I live, I will cringe when people only say God was watching over them/protecting them when they arrive to their destinations safely. I've seen more than enough untimely deaths... but I KNOW God was watching over them. I KNOW He never withdrew His protection. Sometimes people don't arrive to their destinations safely. Sometimes they leave this earth a lot sooner than it seems they should. But that is never a measure of God's protection or how closely He is watching over them.

3. It's going to take me a lot longer than I thought to really understand that it's not all about this world. I have thought I understood that life is really about things that are eternal, that life in the Spiritual realm is all that truly matters. But I've found I still care an awful lot what happens in this world. I come around in the end...realizing that the time will come when we will all be together in a place where life is as it should be. But sometimes it takes awhile. Sometimes what happens in this life is all I can see.

4. I want to live whatever days I have left on this earth doing what the Father wants me to do. I want to help others see the love and sacrifice that Jesus made just so we could be close to him. I want to hear His voice clearly, and have the vision and the passion to walk out anything He has for me to do, no matter how easy or hard it may be. I want to seek first His kingdom, and know I never have to sweat the other stuff.

5. I want greater faith. I want to know and believe that he will show me the steps I should take. I want to spend time in His presence. I want to live in His light.

And no matter where my path leads... if I'm following Him, it's exactly where I want to be.