Insights from Penny

Last night in our Small Group we were talking about the things I've been posting about lately (not Ellie . . . the other things). We talked about perspective . . . if and how your perspective changes your ability to deal with life. In the midst of the conversation, Penny shared an insight that I think is absolutely amazing. It hits the nail on the head, so to speak.

Penny said that she realized at one point in time that she tends to make mountains out of molehills. Sometimes she could see that they were just molehills, but other times they looked like mountains. I asked her if she had figured out why, and the answer was AMAZING! She said that sometimes she has the perspective of an ant. To an ant, the molehill looks like a mountain, but to God it looks like a molehill. The molehill/mountain isn't what changes . . . the perspective is what changes. If we're looking with the ant's perspective, it's a huge mountain. If we're looking with God's perspective, it's nothing but a little molehill. What a great revelation, Penny!

Now, it would stand to reason that throughout our journey God will put us in circumstances & work things in our lives to help us have His perspective more and more often. I know when I was in my 20's I saw a lot more mountains than molehills. What has caused this to change? The life experiences God has taken me through. The more times I get to the end of a trial and see the mountain wasn't nearly as unconquerable as I thought, the more it helps me to keep proper perspective the next time.

I have really avoided saying this outloud for fear of getting too many trials, but something deep inside of me almost looks forward to the trials in my life now. It's kind of a "Bring It On!" attitude because I KNOW there is nothing so big that God can't walk me through it. And I KNOW that God is going to show me something, teach me something, DO SOMETHING inside of me that will make me closer to Him in the end! Now, I must admit that even now I feel like I should go back and erase that before I have to eat my words, but I just can't. This is really a momentous occasion in my life, because I know that although I'm not equipped within myself to handle the mountains, I serve a God who can see they are nothing but molehills. And I want to see through His eyes. I want to have His perspective. And what better way to gain His perspective than to go through something BIG together!

I think we have done the Kingdom of God a disservice. We have made life too much about this world. I know I have. To God, the whole earth probably looks like a little molehill. But when it comes to our hearts, our integrity, our relationships . . . all the things that are eternal . . . I think that's the mountain He wants to help us climb.

So get your hiking boots on, and meet me at the mountain! I think God has some really IMPORTANT things to teach us!

Resting My Brain

I've been thinking about a lot of deep truths lately, and frankly, my brain is tired. So, today I'm going to write about something much more light-hearted!

Since Jenelle, Rachel, and Ellie are planning on moving out in the next couple of months, I've been trying to enjoy Ellie as much as possible before it happens. She doesn't really say anything yet, although she tries to imitate sounds now and then. I think the closest she comes is when she says "Jack-Jack" (our chocolate lab) , "Night-Night", or "Mama". But she doesn't actually say the words, she makes sounds that you KNOW are those words only because you've just been talking about them.

This may cause you to think it's difficult to communicate with Ellie. Let me clear that up right now . . . the girl knows how to make her wants known! Ellie is possibly the best 1-year-old charades player in all the world. If she wants you to sit, she'll just pull you down (by your shirt, your pants, or whatever she can grab). If she wants to go upstairs, she'll reach for you to pick her up, then point her way out the living room, up the stairs, and into whichever room she's wanting to play in. She's really quite bossy. She'll pat the spot where she wants you to sit, and bring the book she wants you to read. Then she'll back in like one of those big construction trucks (the only thing missing is the "beep, beep, beep") and plop down on your lap to hear the story. You may think at that point you have control over the book, but no, that would not be the case. She turns to whichever pages she wants and you talk about those pages. She has one book with Cookie Monster that has chocolate chip cookies on the page and it doesn't matter how many times you try to go past that page, she wants to go back and look at the cookies. She even tries to eat them!

One year old. Granted, she's almost one and a half. But how do they learn to be so me-centered so quickly? I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that we all dote over her, but I think we're just plain born with a lot of it. Then as we get older, we get to begin the life-long process of learning to be others-centered instead. I may be missing something here, but wouldn't it be much easier if we were just born others-centered???!!

Then I see some truly amazing things. Ellie's cousin falls, and as he is crying she runs to get his blanket and his pacifier to comfort him. Or she sees Little Willie in the nursery and she gets a toy for him so he has something to play with. Is she being others centered???

Could it be the battle between spirit and flesh starts on day 1?

And then what?

Today I think I want to continue where my last entry left off.

I think it's important to absorb the truth that what's good for us spiritually doesn't necessarily have anything to do with what seems good to us in the world. It's important to understand that even though it may seem like God is punishing us because of our circumstances, it's more likely true that He's doing the best thing for us in terms of spiritual growth. Or, even if it's not Him doing it . . . even if what's happening is Satan's dirty work or a result of our own bad judgment . . . He still promises to use all things for our good. He'll somehow help us grow through the circumstances if we just listen.

The next question I have is WHY?

I believe the initial reason is that He really does deeply love us and want what's best for us. But to stop there would be tragic. God has made it as clear as He possibly can that we are relational beings. We depend on one another and we need to be there to help one another. So as God helps us grow and mature, it does benefit us -- but it should never stop there. We should always be looking for ways to share what we have so it can benefit others.

But here's something that's always been tricky. As God gives revelation, as we grow in knowledge and in truth, it's tempting to look down on those who aren't as "enlightened" as we are. Sam Kaiser spoke on this very thing in church Sunday, and one thing he said has really helped me put this into perspective.

He said he never wants to look down on someone he is helping, so he always makes a point of looking up to them. What a great life attitude. And I think it's the very attitude Jesus exhibited when he washed the disciples' feet. It's with man's perspective that we, the enlightened ones, try to help those "less fortunate than ourselves". But it's with God's perspective that we realize that anything we have is only because of Him, and that the reason He wants us to help this person is because He deeply loves them. It's with God's perspective that we realize HE is the one who is really helping them . . . we're just passing along information He gave us. And since He gave it to us with love and compassion, we should pass it along the same way.

Picture it. You see a homeless man on the street, and as you look UP to him, you offer whatever help you have to give . . . a blanket, a warm drink, some encouragement. Or maybe there's someone within your own church that has just ALWAYS struggled. Maybe you avoid them because you're tired of trying to help them--they just don't get it. But now you look UP to them and you see they are God's beloved. You see they may be more honorable than you are because they have NOT gotten it, and have still continued to faithfully come before God day after day and week after week. How strong must they be to continue to put their trust in God when they haven't seen the truth? And it warms your heart to realize how much harder they've fought in the battle. Suddenly you realize that God wants to refresh them with a glass of water, and He's simply sending you to deliver it. They are on the front lines, and you are the delivery boy. There's a perspective for you!

All of this just makes my head spin. It is so contrary to the world's thinking. But I'm almost 46 years old and I thank God. Because it's high time I quit thinking like the world.

Trusting

We listened to a really great DVD last night at church about trusting God. There were lots of excellent points made by the speaker, but one thing in particular really got me to thinking.

At one point, almost in passing, he offered a scenario that things may be going really well in your life and you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop... for God to take it all away. And on the way home from church I told Leonard that's a fear I battle with too often.

Right now, I consider Leonard's and my life to be the best its ever been. We get to work together (and we love our jobs), we're making what we consider to be good money, our girls are older and not struggling as intensely as they once did, everyone is healthy, AND we continue to feel closer and more connected with God . . . it's just a great life. But sometimes I fear it will all be taken away. Deep down I think, "But wait . . . this isn't my lot in life. I don't get to have this. I have to be poor and struggling. That's what was dealt to me. God has made a mistake and when He realizes it, He will take it all away."

Now, deep down I know God isn't like that. But I guess I can't get past that age-old feeling that I don't get to have what other people have. It's above me. Maybe it comes from growing up in a "welfare" home . . . I don't know. But it's actually something God spoke to me about a couple of years ago, and since that time things have been turning around. God has done something amazing in my life, and here I am just worrying about losing it.

But last night something occurred to me. What if we did lose it? But what if we KNEW that God took it away because that was ABSOLUTELY the best thing for us spiritually at that point in time? Would we gladly give it up?

And it caused me to think about all the ups and downs of life. We tend to look at our situations in this world as good or bad. Things are either going well or they aren't. But what if, since we have surrendered ourselves to God, absolutely everything that is happening to us, both good and bad, is the very best thing that could be happening to us spiritually at that point in time? Would that awareness make it easier to live through both the ups AND the downs? To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that something amazing and profound is being accomplished in us on the inside, even though the situation may be tough? That we will reap unfathomable benefits in the realm of the spirit from the very experiences that seem so trying to us?

And that nagging fear that I always tried to keep in the background started to subside. It truly is about trust. Do I want to give up the life we have right now? No. But if God thinks it's the best thing for us, I believe Him. It's not about whether we live comfortably in this world or not. It's about spiritual growth. It's about getting closer to Him and knowing Him more intimately. And no matter what, I want whatever He thinks will bring more of that into my life.

This must be exactly what He was talking about when He spoke of losing your life to save it. There is nothing in this world that can ever mean so much to me that I would choose it over what God has for me. We get so conditioned to wanting things in the world, we sometimes lose sight of desiring what's eternal. We forget that's all that REALLY matters.

When we ask God, "Why is this happening?" or "Why is that happening?" it almost always has to do with our worldly situations. In the midst of a trial, I hardly ever ask, "Doggone it, God, why do you love me so much that you're putting me through exactly what I need to bring me closer to you? Why are you helping me grow and mature? Why are you helping me become all the things I was created to be?"

As I go through life, I hope I remain constantly aware that whether the situation is comfortable for me or not, God is doing what's best for me.

And what's best for me really doesn't have a lot to do with my worldly circumstances.

Perspective & Purpose

Every now and then I come across words that I may have heard and even used most of my life, and yet I hear them again and they have tremendous impact. Perspective and Purpose are two such words.

In studying Peter in our home group, I've found that Peter had man's perspective in the gospels (does "Get behind me Satan!" sound familiar?) but he had God's perspective in Acts and in the letters he wrote. He also came to really understand the purpose of life, and this understanding served him well in dealing with his own hardships as well as in encouraging others.

Why are these two words so important? I think it's absolutely the only way to make sense of the pain and suffering that we have to endure in this life. And not only make sense of it, but walk through it victoriously with our heads held high. Sometimes when we're in the midst of a battle, it seems impossible . . . but it's because the battle is all we can see. When Peter wrote his letters to the people he knew were suffering so deeply, he didn't try to tell them it wasn't bad. He didn't even try to tell them they shouldn't be suffering (or that if they prayed hard enough, they wouldn't have to). He told them he knew they were suffering, but that the pain would be worth it. What they stood to gain was far greater than the power of the pain. He encouraged them to change their perspective.

So often, we have trouble seeing beyond the things that happen to us here in this world. And a lot of times, these things seem to make or break us. We let everything ride on the here and now... what people are saying about us, what our work situation is, how our spouse is acting, our sickness, our financial situation, etc., etc. And it's all we can see. Our whole prayer life is wrapped up in fixing the situation. Our whole life's attitude is a result of what is happening to us. It's called man's perspective.

But there is something deeper going on. What if instead of praying for our situations to change, we prayed for change in our hearts? What if we prayed for growth? What if we prayed for a faith so strong that we would be able to rise above the pain, no matter how great it is, and be a living testimony to the faithfulness of God? What if instead of praying for the situation to change, we would pray that God give us the strength and the focus to face it head-on, to walk through it with heads held high and faith intact . . . obviously not oblivious to the pain, but with a confidence that His power, His love, and His faithfulness is much greater than the pain.

There are a lot of people in the United States who decide every year they're going to lose weight/get in shape. There are a lot less that actually do it. Let's face it, exercise is exhausting and sometimes even painful. It's hard. And at the same time, we know those brownies on the kitchen counter taste good. But the people who really see the purpose, who really have the perspective . . . they set their minds to it and they do it. It's because it really means something to them.

Once it really means something to us, once we have the perspective, once the purpose has a solid footing inside of us . . . no amount of pain will ever get in our way. We will see it through to the finish. We understand the importance.

I often think that once I get through this life and am standing in heaven with all the understanding I only wish I had here, the thing I'll regret the most is all the time I wasted worrying or being afraid or feeling hurt. I think I'll understand then how small my suffering really was in the whole big scheme of things. Not that it didn't matter, but that I missed the point. The point was for me to grow. The point was for me to become more compassionate or more humble, more patient, stronger in my faith. The point was for me to go forward in my journey. Not to get all tripped up.

And so I pray for perspective. God's perspective. And I pray that I could see our purpose as clearly as Peter did when he encouraged all the people who were suffering. I pray that I don't waste time licking my wounds, but that I learn all I can learn from every situation and continue to press forward. I want to see the true value of my journey, so that no amount of pain will EVER hold me back.

refreshing . . .

I see the pain around me. People suffering and confused. Some are feeling lost in the middle of their sickness, wondering if You're hearing their cries. Others are suffering in the midst of circumstances they have or haven't created themselves. But if they have, it's only because they don't know. They don't understand. Certainly they don't WANT to be miserable. They're just having trouble finding their way. They're having trouble hearing Your voice. Maybe they just don't know You at all.

So here I am, before Your throne, asking You . . . pleading with You . . . please, Lord, show Yourself to them. Give the hope that only You can give. You know every heart . . . you created each one Yourself. You are the only one in the universe who can speak to the deepest places of their hearts, in a way they can understand. Speak to each one of them, Lord. Whisper the words of hope. Give them vision for their futures. Remind them that Your plans are good and Your love is strong. Let them feel your presence and know Your love. Refresh them, Oh Lord. Breathe hope into their weary lives. Give them a glimpse of their purpose, their value. Let them know it's important to You that they are here.

You are a mighty and loving God. We have nowhere to turn but to You. Let Your hand move, let your heart of compassion spill over them. You are our hope. You are our strength. And it's to You we will turn at the time of greatest need.

Have mercy and compassion, Oh Lord . . . Let great hope arise in Your people.

Changing Seasons

Overall, winter hasn't been too bad so far this season, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm ready for it to be over. I LOVE the snow. I LOVE the winter. But I would love if it lasted 8 solid weeks and then went away. Back to spring.... planting flowers, having barbecues, walking the boys (dogs) without freezing... I'm ready for nice weather again. And this is so like me. Dictating not only what I'd like, but how long I'd like it to last.

There are times when I feel like I'm really beginning to get a grasp on what Paul was saying when he talked about being content in all things. Overall, I'm very content. I'm usually able to see the power of God shining through the troubles we encounter. I know He's teaching me and molding me, and I know that's more important than the struggle itself. Struggles don't wig me out the way they used to.

But it's the little stuff that does me in. Why does winter have to last so long? Why does Kairo have to shed so much? Why can't we finish even the little projects around the house we've started? And just like that, I'm a whiner. I can easily rattle off all the little complaints I have and why it makes me SO FRUSTRATED that none of it is as I want it to be. So there you have it. Deep down, I still just want life to go my way.

But I think every winter, God purges a little more of that attitude out of me.

Round about this time of year, I used to almost get depressed. It was too gloomy for too long. I needed the warmth of the sun. I needed some outdoor activity. I needed something OTHER than winter. Year after year, I would get to the point where I thought I just couldn't take it any longer . . . . and then came spring. There wasn't a single winter that did me in like I thought it was going to. And the longer the winter, the more beautiful the spring . . . the more I appreciated it. It was perfect every time. And it never, ever had to go the way I wanted it to.

So year after year it's gotten easier. The winter has become a nice reminder that God is in control. He doesn't need my help. I don't have to get my way. Spring will come.

It also reminds me to stop sweating all the little stuff. I thank God that we have a house that can need fixing and a faithful, loving dog that ... hmmm... well, that isn't bald, and ... oh, yes ... that I have the tools and the physical ability to clean that dog hair up! There you go! I don't want to waste time complaining about the little stuff. God has given me way too many things to rejoice about!

So when I catch myself wishing all the little details were lined up the way I want them to be, I'm instead going to make a conscious decision to let go of the control I'm grasping for, and be content to let it remain in its rightful place. I'm going to praise God that He's in control . . . we certainly couldn't be in better hands!

I think I feel the warmth of the spring sun already.

Ramblings from a place somewhere between the Spirit and the Flesh...

Something significant has happened.

I have this deep, seemingly insatiable desire to connect with God in a way I never have been able to in the past. Today my friend Karolynn sent me some devotionals out of a book called Kneeling We Triumph by E.F. and L. Harvey. Here is an excerpt that stirred something on the inside of me:

The reason why many are finding prayer so unsatisfactory and the life of prayer so unattractive, is because they have attempted to enter into the celestial realms of prayer in the strength of the "old-man". The "old-man" can no more wield these weapons which "are not carnal but mighty through God", than he can "love his enemies", or "rejoice always", or "have the mind which was in Christ Jesus", or fulfil any other Christian grace. He (the old-man) may imitate these graces, but actually possess them, never. They are "the fruits of the spirit". They come from above. They are the out-workings of the Christ-nature imparted to the believer and incorporated in his being on the basis of the Cross.

It then goes on to explain that it's only when we realize our oneness with Christ in death and resurrection that prayer becomes the powerful force in our lives that it was meant to be.

This excites me. I have always felt that prayer has not been as powerful in this day and age as it should be and I have never understood why. And something on the inside of me is urging me to pursue this line of thought. Have I tried to imitate a good prayer life in my own strength? Certainly there have been times that I've felt I've really connected with God, but other times when I feel I'm just saying words. Could the difference be whether I was praying in my own strength or truly praying in the Spirit?

I don't have this all figured out, but I am determined to find answers. We talked last night in our Small Group about how many distractions there are these days as compared to past times when life was simpler (not easier, but simpler). And I don't know about everyone else, but I know that there are a lot of times I operate in my own strength. It comes so naturally to me. As I recognize it, I try to turn it over to God, but sometimes it seems I'm on Auto-Pilot and am just finishing everything up before I realize God hasn't even been a part of it.

Now, I'm not sure how it happens . . . how does one really come to understand their oneness with Christ through death and resurrection? I don't think it's something I've ever come to fully understand. In fact, I don't think I've understood it at all. I don't think I really know what it means to die to the old-self and live in the Spirit. I've interpreted it in the past as just trying kill off the selfish things and start doing the things Christ would want me to do. But shouldn't that just be the natural end-result of truly living life in the Spirit? I'm doing it all backwards. I'm trying to do it in my own strength.

So, this is my #1 pursuit. I want to REALLY live in the Spirit. And even as I make the declaration, I find myself making a mental list of things I could try to do to make this happen. I don't know if this sort of thing comes easily to others, but it's probably the most puzzling thing I've come up against . . . EVER. How do you pursue something without doing it in your own strength? I want this more than anything. I want my prayer life to be rising up from a place in the Spirit that has been made possible because I have died and risen with Jesus. But I don't want to do it. In fact, I can't do it or it would just be another cheap substitute. I want Him to do it. But how do I pursue it without it being me instead of Him?

It leaves me in a place of frustration and confusion, where the only words I have left are,

"Lord, please come and get me."

An Amazing Night

Who out there has a short-list of perfect nights that make you smile whenever you think of them? Thanks to our girls, Leonard and I had one of those nights Friday night.

For Christmas, Jenelle and Rachel decided to get us a very special gift. They bought us gift certificates to Dino's (great pizza, great fish!) and to the Grand Theatre. But that was just the beginning. We decided to use the certificates Friday night, so we got off work at 3:00. The girls had made a comfy spot for Leonard to kick back and relax with a book, while they led me up to a luxurious bubble bath complete with an end table holding reading material and a glass of wine (actually diet pepsi). After soaking in my bath, I put on the clothes they laid out for me (yes, they even chose what we were going to wear!) and Jenelle did my make-up and hair, while Rachel massaged my shoulders, arms, and hands. It was a little taste of heaven on earth!

Once Leonard and I were both ready, we headed off to our movie in Jenelle's car. We saw the second National Treasure movie which we both thoroughly enjoyed, then we drove off to Dino's! There's nothing we don't like about Dino's. It's a casual atmosphere, we love their food, and they make FANTASTIC tequila sunrises! We spent the whole evening talking and laughing with absolutely no interruptions. It had been too long since we'd done that.

When it was time to go, I told Leonard I wanted to give our waiter a surprise BIG tip! Since we had a gift certificate it wasn't costing us, and since I felt so incredibly BLESSED I wanted to pass it on! Rachel is a waitress and I know how exciting it is for her to have someone leave a generous tip. After doing his best George Banks imitation (you know... pulling at the collar, coughing, etc.) he agreed to leave a generous surprise. It was the perfect ending to a perfect night.

And I guess I would leave you with this...
There are so many things in this world that try to draw our attention away from what's really important. Our lives are full of deadlines and demands, and we often spend a lot of energy trying to be everything we're supposed to be. I'm not saying this will ever really change, but I am suggesting that you exert your authority over it once in awhile. Take the initiative to stop the madness and enjoy life. Make time for the laughter and all the relationships that mean so much to you.

Even if it's just for one amazing night!

The Guy Who Has Everything

Sometimes I'm at a loss for what to do next. Most of the time, I feel a burning deep in my soul. I want to do something significant for God. I am so deeply aware of all He has done for me, and I want to do something that will express the magnitude of the love I feel for Him. I try to think of what I could possibly do that would mean so much to Him. But everything pales in comparison to what He's done for me. Talk about trying to think of something to give the guy who has everything.

I know His desire is for our love, our hearts. And He certainly has mine. But that seems like such an insignificant gift. He deserves so much more.

But if I'm honest, there is never a time I feel like I've given Him everything. I mean, I FEEL like I couldn't possibly love Him or appreciate Him any more than I do. That love often feels like it's just going to come bursting out of me. But there are certainly areas in my life that I can see I haven't surrendered. How about being critical? Or the multitude of other bad attitudes that can surface in me? I try to keep a good attitude, but I fail. And it reminds me how much I need Him. Then He picks me up, forgives me, and lets me try again. And instead of doing something for him, it once again turns into something He's done for me.

Being a parent myself, I decided to ponder the things my daughters have given me that have meant the most to me. And I quickly see that God truly has created us in His own image. Nothing means more to me than their love. Not just their love for me, but their love for others. When Leonard and I see them pouring out their hearts and serving others . . . when they defend someone they see others trying to hurt . . . when they do something to try to bring hope to someone who is sad . . . it just doesn't get any better than that. It's the greatest gift they could ever give us. When they show their love for others, we can feel their love for us.

So I guess instead of trying to figure out that spectacular thing I could do for God, I should just pay attention to what He said. He's told us straight out what He wants the most. What we do for others, we do for Him.

And I certainly understand how that warms His heart.